Walking in Faith

 

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All journeys begin with a first step, and another, and another. The farther we travel, the heavier each step becomes unless we have hope of finding resting spots along the way.

We get up each morning and restart our journey. This section might be easier or harder than the one before, but one thing never changes. Our faith will give us the strength we need to face whatever trials await us.

“Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Jeremiah 40:31.

This scripture lifted my spirits in a very personal way. First, I strained the hamstrings on both of my legs during my last move. The simple acts of walking or getting up and down from a chair are difficult. According to my doctor, only physical therapy will heal the injury. With effort and prayer, I’m confident I too will eventually walk and not be weary.

I’ve grown weary in other ways too. My heart longs for a place that I can once again call home, a place with deep connections to family and community.

God answered my prayer with scripture. “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.

During my last visit with my daughter to my hometown, friends asked me to breakfast. At first, I hesitated, then decided not to blow off the invitation. I’m so glad I listened to that nudge from the Holy Spirit.

My friends invited one of our former classmates to join us. Ed and I had often crossed paths before I moved out of state, and his kindness always impressed me. Fifty years later, we are both single and at a crossroads in our lives. We both felt an instant connection, which has only intensified with every phone call, text, and visit since that initial meeting.

Now I understand why this scripture kept popping up in so many uncanny ways over the course of this last year. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It’s not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.’” Genesis 2:18.

And so, those who wait for the Lord not only see their strength restored through His grace, but they will also see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living, regardless of age or circumstances.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing this woman with renewed strength and a companion to walk with, side by side, with You. Amen.  

Sabath Rest - Every Day

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This morning’s reading in Our Daily Bread resonated deeply. Especially after all the work of relocating, unpacking, and all the other moving-related chores. Rest seemed a far away concept.

However, the reading wasn’t referring to just physical rest on the seventh day. We can enter into a Sabath rest any day of the week, regardless of what tasks are waiting.

True Sabbath rest is resting in complete trust in God, not worrying about tomorrow, or dredging up the past, and not struggling to control every aspect of our lives.

I’m closer than I have ever been to that ideal, spending less and less time worrying about what might be coming next. After all, God walked with me through every trial, sprinkling miracles along the path, lightening my burdens, uplifting my spirit, and encouraging me to take the next step. Why would He stop now?

My prayer at the moment is to find a new purpose for my life. With no one to care for except Cooper, I feel a little lost, but I rest in His promise. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.

Although His plan has yet to unfold, it will, and judging from the miracles of the past, whatever He has planned for my future will be better than anything I imagine.  

“I believe that I shall see goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. [I will] Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let my heart take courage; wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13-14.

And take a Sabath rest from all my worries. Amen.

A New Thing

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 The 25^th of this month marks the one-year anniversary of my husband’s passing. It has been busy. No pause in the physical and mental demands — until now.

The legal aspects of losing a spouse are finished. The physical and emotional task of sorting and disposing of his personal belongings is done. The selling of our home and relocating are over. The holidays are over as well. Family has settled back into busy lives. We text. We call, but the get-togethers are less often. Life goes on.

With nothing pressing to keep me busy, grief has settled in, along with the accompanying fatigue.. I don’t fight it. When I need to rest, I do. No guilt. Some days are more productive. Shopping, cleaning, painting, writing. Other days, I have little motivation to even get dressed.

Today, I woke with a different attitude. Instead of looking at a day of intense quiet, I anticipate what God has planned. He has promised me a future. Today is yesterday’s future — filled with possibilities and hope.

It is amazing how a change in mental attitude affects your outlook as well as your energy levels. Oh, there will still be moments of deep grief and the accompanying fatigue, but it won’t last as long. For the most part, I’ll be looking for new ways to be useful, to be a part of something outside myself. What that is, at this moment only God knows. But I’m ready. I’m waiting, and I’m watching.

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

Thank you, Lord. Amen.

 

Forget the Former Things…

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 Do not remember the former things or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth; do you not perceive it? Isaiah 43:18-19.

 

A divine coincidence this scripture was in my morning’s readings since the one-year anniversary of my husband’s passing is approaching this month. I can’t help but reflect back.

Although I’ve been through widowhood before, this time the changes were far more radical, leaving a home I loved, friends, and church. Yes, the move was necessary and healthy, being back in my home state and close to my family. Still, it’s a big change in a short period.

Have I adjusted? For the most part. Yet, memories of last year still cling.

It’s okay to remember, to hold on to memories — the good ones, but not to dwell there. It stunts the future, and this scripture is God’s way of reminding me I still have a future.

“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.

That is my scripture quote for the new year. I even posted the verse on my refrigerator. Perhaps I need to add Isaiah 43:18-19 as well for those dark days when I can’t shake the past.

However, the one-year milestone marks a turn in my thoughts, new memories overwriting the old ones. Not all of them, of course. Mostly, the pain of loss has lessened. The tears are fewer. I'm able to look forward more.  

Thank you, Lord, for loving me enough to send scriptural promises reminding me that as long as I have breath, there’s life, and I can’t squander a single day by dwelling too much on the past.  

Amen. 

Yāhal

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The Hebrew word for hope denotes a confident expectation or anticipation, the belief in the fulfillment of God’s promises — not wishful thinking.

It wasn’t wishful thinking that brought about the long-anticipated birth of Jesus, the fulfillment of our hope for redemption. Neither is our hope for the fulfillment of God’s promises in our own lives wishful thinking. We have confidence God will keep his promises.

Even in the secular activities, there’s an anticipation and expectation of families reunited, generosity from strangers, and an overall season of cheerfulness.

For Christians, it runs even deeper. If not for the birth, there would be no cross. Without the cross, there is no redemption.

Hope is also looking for signs of God’s presence during times of stress. It might be a rainbow in an otherwise dark sky or an unexpected hug from a friend or stranger. Perhaps a song on our playlist that makes us smile despite our circumstances.

These reminders tell us God sees us, understands our circumstances, and is with us always. He will never forsake us or leave us, and he will fulfill every promise he’s made — even personal ones. There lies our hope, our confidence, our belief for a better tomorrow.

As we enter into this season of yāhal, I pray your Christmas season is filled with God’s presence and blessings. Amen.  

Things That Didn’t Happen

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This holiday season, I am thankful for all the usual things like a warm home, food, clothing, etc. However, I won’t lie. I’m not thankful my husband won’t be with me this holiday season. 

I will spend the holidays with my son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughters, which will be special, something I haven’t done in many years, but there will still be a missing part. Times alone. Even so, I’m trying to keep a positive attitude and not dwell on what is missing.

A pastor friend posted a comment on social media. Even if we can’t bring ourselves to be thankful for our current situation, we can be thankful for the things that didn’t happen. As the old saying goes, things can always be worse.

The thought is similar to the sentiment in the Garth Brooks song, Thankful for Unanswered Prayers. Life experience has taught me to avoid praying for particular things and just ask God for help. How can I presume to tell God what’s best? Regardless of the situation, like missing my husband, God will help me through it. And not just me. All of us.

So, this Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for what I have — and for the things that didn’t happen.

Amen.

 

A Repurposed Life

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My life has changed so many times, but this new change seems harder. The other times I had a husband or children to care for, which gave me a continued purpose while I navigated the change. This time, I have neither, and I feel a little lost.

I’ve prayed about it, and God seems to have answered through a devotion in Our Daily Bread.

“God repurposes the lives of those he has called.”

According to the dictionary, the word repurpose is a verb with two meanings.

1.     To reuse for a different purpose on a long-term basis without alteration.

2.     To alter to make more suited for a different purpose.

The Bible is filled with stories of lives God repurposed to accomplish his will. For example, Joseph went from slave to ruler, and David went from shepherd to king.    

I’m not sure what my repurposed life will look like. I doubt it will be as monumental as Joseph’s or David’s. Still, I wonder if it will continue as it has for the last eleven months, or will it change to something I can’t even imagine in the coming new year?

That’s both exciting and scary. Yes, I know God has already prepared this new walk of life, but we humans fear the unknown despite our profession of faith. However, I must remember God has told me, ^“…I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

So, use me, Lord, for whatever purpose fulfills your will.

Amen.

 

 

Forgiveness Rather than Failure

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“When the thought of God doesn’t remind a man of his sin but of how much he was forgiven — then the man rests in the forgiveness of his sins.” Soren Kierkegaard.

“…to think on God is to immerse oneself in thoughts of forgiveness rather than failure.” Living and Praying in Jesus’ Name by Dick Eastman & Jack Hayford.

These two quotes from my Bible study on the Psalms counter the late-night accusations the Great Accuser loves to throw at me and send the criminal packing with all that needless baggage.

“…as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12.

Rather than face the day with dread, already burdened with a list of past failures, I can rejoice knowing God sees goodness where I see failure. Even if I fail, he’s ready to love, forgive, guide, and give strength — if I ask and listen for his response. I can’t count the times he’s done that. Shouldn’t I face the day with hope — and even joy?

“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” [Resting in His mercy.] Psalm 118:24.

Amen!

  

No Holy Abracadabra

 

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I’ve started a new devotion, Running From a Crazy Man (and Other Adventures Traveling with Jesus) by Lori Stanley Reoleveld. Her fresh point of view and entertaining writing style have given me many things to ponder.

This morning, the chapter was titled, Waiting for the Holy Abracadabra. In other words, praying hard for a miracle to get us out of our current fix, or give us something we want. Sometimes God does, but most often he says no to our requests and instead walks with us through the trial. God’s always right, of course, but it doesn’t necessarily seem that way at the time. As in my current circumstances.

It was then I realized my attitude has changed. My prayers are not for myself. God doesn’t need to fix anything. There are others who need a miracle, an answered prayer, far more than me.

Why this change?

I’m truly leaving my life in God’s hands. After all, he promised, “I would see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13.

This current transition period will pass, and God has promised a new future. I’m at peace with whatever that is. That doesn’t mean I’m not grieving and struggling to adjust, but it's not all consuming. 

I spent last evening with my son and his family, which was a blessing in itself, but when I walked into the house, my first thought was, “I’m home.” 

This place is no longer strange. It is my home. 

How many homes will I have? Only God knows, but regardless of how many or wherever they might be, God’s already there.   

Thank you, Lord. Amen. 

Spiritual Gems

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A few spiritual insights I'd not considered before...

We are but dust, blades of grass, withering and dying, blowing away in the wind. But for Jesus Christ. Through him we have eternal life, no longer susceptible to death. Amen!

Worry means we don’t trust God, doubting He has the power and the will to provide for us. Sorrow is different. We may sorrow through suffering and tribulations and yet still trust God with the outcome.

Yes, we should pray over everything. By not praying, we depend on our strength, not God’s. We know where we should place our hope and trust, and it’s not with ourselves.

The glory of the Lord is like the appearance of a rainbow on a rainy day.

God is like sweet cold water to a parched tongue. He fills our parched souls with compassion, mercy, and hope. Hope is like cold water to the thirsty soul. It revives one caught in the desert of suffering. Be like a drink of cold water to other thirsting souls.

In the story of the woman taken in adultery, the Pharisees knew Jesus had only two ways to respond, and both were wrong. If Jesus excused the woman’s sin, he denied Moses’s law that a woman caught in adultery was to be stoned to death. That choice would mark Him as a false prophet. His second choice was to stone the woman, but then he’d run afoul of Roman law. Only the Romans had the legal right to execute. However, being God, He chose a third option. He turned the situation into an examination of the religious leaders instead of the woman, and they walked away, leaving her untouched.

Evil will continue to grow until Christ comes. Until then, we are to continue in our faith, trusting all things to God.

In turn, do I love God as much as He loves me? Enough to die to self and bend to His will?

We aren’t saved because of our good works, but we are saved to do good works.

Dear Lord, thank you for sharing your wisdom through Scripture and wise teachers. They enrich my life, giving me guidance on how to live in this trouble filled world. Amen. 

 

 

 

 

 

Made New

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“If then any be in Christ a new creature, the old things are passed away, behold all things are made new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17.

A new day and a New Year.  

The past is gone. Our slate has been wiped clean. Gone are the mistakes, the sorrows, and the hurts, unless we drag them along like old baggage. But that isn’t from God.

“Because I will be merciful to their iniquities, and their sins I will remember no more.” Hebrews 8:12.

This day I choose to be made new, washed clean of yesterday’s sorrows, hurts, and mistakes. I may not know what the future holds. All I can see is today, an hour at a time — stepping-stones leading me toward the fulfillment of God’s plan for my life. But regardless of where my path leads, what sorrows I’ll endure, I can be sure the path will also be filled with great joy. God has told me so.

“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing; that you may abound in hope, and in the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13.

Happy New Year! 

  

Two Truths

 

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Pain caused by someone’s wrongdoing is real.

God can redeem the bad with good.

We often try to soothe and comfort the pain in others by emphasizing the positive without acknowledging the pain.

It is unreasonable to think if we have enough faith, we will never experience pain or anguish. The same with spewing some platitudes and expecting the sufferer to suddenly be healed.

I’ve recovered from much of the pain my ex inflicted, except for one. Fear of being too exposed. It’s a form of PTSD. I’ve been conditioned to avoid pain, by hiding, staying quiet, becoming invisible.

It’s a subconscious reaction. I prefer to sit in the back, never in the open. I’m uncomfortable standing in front of a crowd. In a restaurant, unless I’m with others I trust, I want the back booth and sit facing the door. I don’t like large or small spaces. The former is too exposed, the latter is claustrophobic, and I can’t breathe. Every room I enter, I note the exits and form escape routes.

The usual cliches did nothing to eliminate my distress. My faith kept me from despair and gave me the strength to seek help. Professional counseling and the support of family and friends, along with God’s compassion and encouragement, got me through those dark times and help me handle the occasional flash backs.

Because of my experiences, I steer away from trying to point out all the positives about their situation. There will be time for that, but not at first. They need understanding and compassion, acknowledgement and validation of their pain. I do remind them they’ll never be alone in their suffering. That truth has become clichéd, but it’s true. God will be with them in some way, through the kind gesture of a friend, prayers from strangers, a comforting scripture passage, maybe even a miracle — like the repentance of the wrongdoer. But if not, God will help them find healing. I don’t just believe this. I’ve lived it.

Thank you, Lord, for loving me, encouraging me, and understanding my struggle. I pray for those in similar circumstances. Give them Your strength. Encourage them to seek help. Comfort them. Amen.

 

The Reprieve

 

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It’s been three years since I’ve been able to travel back to Oregon to visit my family. It seems something always came up. First it was the Covid lockdown, then my husband's and my bouts with the virus, followed by the HVAC debacle, and rising fuel prices. Still, we’ve saved and planned for a trip back this Thanksgiving.  

I’ve kept in touch with Mother through phones calls until the last few months. Then issues with her cell phone service prevented my calls from going through. Once that issue was corrected, I still couldn’t reach Mother. My sister and I finally suspected her dementia has deteriorated to the point she no longer understands how to answer the phone. I’ve sent cards, which I know she treasures, but that’s not the same as hearing each other’s voice.

 My sister suggested we set up video calls for future visits until I can be there. We both felt like idiots for not thinking of it sooner. We scheduled the first call for this last Sunday, but it didn’t happen.

Mother’s care staff found her unresponsive and critically dehydrated. She’s refused to eat and drink for months, requiring heroic efforts by my sister and her care staff to ensure she does. Even so, Mother weighs only 77 lbs., and her doctor has referred her for hospice care. With a DNR, they won’t administer a feeding tube or fluids. So, unless Mother can eat or drink, time is running out.

With all this swirling through my mind, my sister put her phone on speaker so I could talk with Mother. She was coherent enough to understand when I told her I loved her.

My sister called again a few hours later. Mother’s doctor wasn’t sure she would live through the night. I prayed, begging God for reprieve, to see Mother one more time.

The cold I was fighting made it all that much worse. I can’t travel until my symptoms pass, and now my husband is sick as well.

During my morning devotions, I received another call from my sister. Mother has improved. She’s responsive, talking, and able to drink and eat a little. My husband and I should be symptom free and ready to travel in a week. I pray her health holds that long.

Although this is not unexpected, my mother is 89 and has been in declining health for several years, I always thought I’d have a little more time. I’m not beating myself up with guilt. I doubt I could have changed any of the previous circumstances, but this has reminded me nothing is certain in this life. After losing my two husbands, I thought I’d taken that to heart, but with our busy lives, it’s so easy to lose track of time.

Dear Lord, I ask that I have the chance to be with Mother. Let me hold her hand, tell her I love her, kiss her cheek. I ask this, but also bow to Your will. Amen.

Surrender

 

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The word surrender has cropped up several times in various ways over this last week. I believe God is giving me a New Year’s resolution.

All of these popped up this morning. 

Surrendering to God’s will, regardless of the situation, is a challenge. After all, we would have to give up our perception of control, and that's not easy. 

A friend once told me she admired how well I handled my tragedies and losses. My reply, “I had no choice.” It was true. However, in these situations, rather than wallow in self-pity, I surrendered it all to God, and things worked out better than I imagined. But not at first. I still had to deal with the physical and emotional aspects of the circumstances. Only my faith, hope of a better future, eased the pain.   

Worrying won’t change the future. Either it will happen, or it won’t. And if it does, then God will help me through it, just as He as in the past.

In Our Daily Bread for, Bill Crowder quoted theologian Jürgen Moltmann’s definition of optimism and hope from A Theology of Hope. “Optimism is based on the circumstances of the moment, but hope is rooted in God’s faithfulness — regardless of our situation.”

So Lord, I surrender my life to Your will. I’ll let you handle it, even if it’s not in the way I want. You know what I need. I also commit my loved ones into Your hands. You know their needs as well. And Lord, I pray for all those facing difficult times. Be with them. Amen.

 

Merry Christmas!

 

A Season of Hope

Original Photo by Cecilia Marie Pulliam

These frosty, misty mornings of December fit the season, a tradition for Christmas in the Northern Hemisphere. Who doesn’t love Norman Rockwell’s renderings of Christmas? Images of family harmony, joy, peace, family gatherings, ladened tables, laughter, softly falling snow?

My family represented this vision for years until my husband passed away. His death fractured our family. We pulled away from those big, happy gatherings. My daughter was only sixteen. I tried for her sake to continue some of our traditions, changed slightly so they would not be reminders of what we had lost. My success was mixed, but the overall tone was a happy one.

After she left home, following her brothers with leaving the nest right after high school graduation, I followed new traditions.

Now, married again, with family strung around several cities and states, we have other traditions. We still decorate, although on a much smaller scale, but I cannot pass the season without a nativity, lighted garlands, and a small lighted tree, tabletop size, Christmas Carols and a fire in the fireplace. I’ll make my raspberry rolls to enjoy with coffee Christmas morning. Christmas Eve, instead of the boisterous family gathering at my folks’ place followed by Midnight Mass, my husband and I will join our neighbors for prime rib and good conversation.

The thread that runs through all of these traditions is the season’s message of hope. Everywhere we see joy and hope. The scripture readings are filled with hope of a peaceful, joyous world. The carols echo the same sentiments, peace on earth, joy to the world. We watch family favorite, happy Christmas movies.

The season is such a joyous one, even for those who do not celebrate the spiritual aspect. It is the time of year we give ourselves permission to be happy, and we pass that on to those around us. The salutations of Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays when we meet friends or strangers. We approach family gatherings with hope for peaceful, joyous interactions.

Then, in January, it seems this hope crashes back to pre-Advent attitudes, rushed, irritated, crushed by responsibilities and world issues.

Several years ago, I vowed to keep my Christmas hope and joy all year. For the most part, I did. Even during the dark moments, I clung to my hope of God’s presence, compassion, and care. Psalm 27 pops up in my devotions whenever I need the reminder that nothing is impossible with God. I only need to hang onto my faith until the sun rises again.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life: of whom shall I be afraid? I believe to see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living. Expect the Lord, do manfully, and let thy heart take courage, and wait for the Lord.”

How about you? Have your Christmas traditions changed over the years, or stayed the same? 

Safety Nets

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Whenever my husband and I have a little savings, something always comes along and wipes us out. My husband used to be so disappointed, but now he understands  my view. I'm thankful it was there when we needed it.

This time, it’s our geothermal heat pump. It stopped cooling the house last week, during record high temperatures, of course. We called in a repair company and received the bad news. Being twenty-seven years old, it’s not repairable. He did a temporary fix, which he warned may last a day, a week, a month, or all summer.

The other bad news, we don’t have enough savings to pay for the installation of a new unit. We have to  finance at least half. 

The other issue, there isn’t another choice for heating and cooling. Electricity is the only available power source in our area. Besides that, geothermal heat pumps are the most economical. They are even 400 times more efficient than natural gas.

But there goes our safety net.

The moment that thought came to mind, this one followed: trust God more than earthly things.

My morning devotions confirmed this. Lighten Up by Jennifer Christ in Living Faith, Friday, June 18, 2021, “Do not store up yourselves treasures on earth…”

There is some good news.

First, the quoted sum includes everything required to move the unit from the crawl space under the house to a more accessible space. Currently, my husband is forced to crawl on his back or his belly under pipes and other obstacles to change the air filter. He’s getting up in age where those gymnastics are getting harder to perform. I’m claustrophobic and can’t imagine being in such a closed space, nor do I think I’d be able to remove and replace the filter with my damaged hands. So, moving the unit is a blessing.  

Second, the company has partnered with a local bank to finance new heating and cooling systems. For a onetime 10% fee, the bank offers 25 months of interest free financing. We won’t need to wipe our savings entirely.

We have a way out of this disaster, but I know there will be others. No need to worry about them now. As Jesus said, “Today’s troubles are enough without borrowing from tomorrow.”

Besides, as another famous quote puts it, “God is already there.”

Our next hurdle is waiting until the new unit is installed. With shipping and scheduling the installation crew, we’re looking at eight weeks.

Dear Lord, I pray our old unit will last that long and that I never lose my trust in You. Amen.

New Life

Photo by Wellington @Pixabay

I posted this on social media three years ago during my recovery from mastectomy surgery. It seems as revelant now with all that life has thrown at me since, my dad's passing and all the changes the pandemic forced on us.

March 23, 2018

Spring. I see it emerging everywhere. Six deer grazed along our back lawn this morning. A slew of songbirds are singing their little hearts out from every tree and bush: blackbirds, robins, doves and others I need a book to identify. A pair of hawks are nesting close by and a pair of bald eagles performed an aerial courtship dance within view of our front window. Warm rains have encouraged buds on all the trees. Several are close to blooming.

My heart is encouraged. As nature is rebounding from winter, I will recover from this post-cancer surgery into a new life too. Each day is better than the one before, with fewer bumps. I am thankful for many things, especially life.

Laughter Is the Best Medicine

 With the world in turmoil, I think it's time for something to smile about. 

May peace and joy be yours, always. 

A Category Five Storm

 

For several months, I had the odd feeling something was looming on the horizon, something big enough to upset my husband's and my idyllic life. I reorganized my priorities, spending more time appreciating everything in my life, especially our home and the company of my husband. I did not let a single opportunity pass by to tell him how much I loved him, to give him a hug, or hold his hand.

Then, the storm hit.

Two weeks ago, my husband was diagnosed with Covid-19 pneumonia and taken by ambulance from his doctor’s office to the hospital, . He’s 76 with some underlying health issues, not the best scenario for recovery.

As I watched the ambulance pull away, I wondered if I’d ever see him again? Would I be a widow for the third time?

I prayed, “I trust in you, Lord. Your will be done.”

Still, I collapsed into sobs when I got home, falling prey to worry, anxiety, and fear.

The next morning, I received a notification on my phone for a video from The God Minute. That has never happened since I got my android phone in June.

I took the title literally, “All will be well.” 

When I looked at the date of the video, my skin tingled. It originally recorded on the 19^th , but I didn’t receive the notification until the 22^nd, the day after my husband was admitted to the hospital.

He never went on a respirator. His symptoms plateaued within five days, faster than his doctors expected. He spent only nine days in the hospital, coming home last Thursday, relatively symptom free. He’s still on supplemental oxygen, but only 1 liter, the smallest setting. His doctor doesn’t think he will need that for very long.

I am so thankful God is so merciful, compassionate, and good, and I am trying not to feel guilty that He spared my husband’s life when He didn’t so many others.

As if answer to this, the next morning during my devotions, my bible fell open to the Book of Tobias, the scripture God used to promise me I’d grow old with this husband.

Oh, Lord, I do believe, but help my unbelief when I am weak. As St. Paul said, it is through our weakness God’s makes us strong. Amen.