Take Nothing for the Journey … Luke 9:13

Photo from Free Photos @ Pixabay

Those words still make me sweat.

The Queen of spreadsheets and lists, the woman with an obsession for organization and preparedness, would freak out.

I have improved some. My To do List is now more of a reference and a reminder. Rarely do I finish all the tasks in one day. That’s progress.

However, I’m ashamed to say my packing and travel lists are almost as precious as my bible. I’d have nightmares if I didn’t check everything off my lists.

On the opposite side, my husband seldom uses a list, only once in a while a short one for groceries. He has had some unfortunate experiences flying by the seat of his pants, like the time he drove two hours from home only to remember he left the coffee pot on and had to turn around and go back. (That was before auto shut offs — and me.)

The point is it’s okay to reasonably prepare for different circumstances, but I must let go of the idea I can prepare for every circumstance. I can’t. As Padre Pio said, “Pray, hope, and don’t worry.”

Thank you, Lord, for the small advancements I have made to trust You more. Amen.

The Unexpected Journey

This past week Facebook hosted Throwback Thursday and many posted a nostalgic picture of either themselves or family. I resisted most of the day, but after enjoying the photos of others, I decided to participate and dug out my senior photo. I didn't remember this young woman.

I stared at the photo for several minutes before the memories returned. I still don't remember the day the photo was taken. I know I was seventeen, because it was taken in September of my senior year. With this memory recalled, more pieces fell into place.

I was dating my first husband at the time, and had no clue what was coming. I wouldn't say I was innocent, (my family could quickly illustrate that was not the case), I was however, naive. Growing up in a loving Christian home, I couldn't imagine the horrors some people could inflict on others. This young girl found out too quickly it isn't always safe to trust someone who says they love you.

Ego

I have begun a  spiritual journey, one which will require a huge change in my way of thinking, behaving and perceptions. My goal is not to change the world, but change how I see the world. The first step is my ego.

Richard Rohr in his insightful book, The Naked Now, equates ego with the need to be right. He even quotes Dr. Phil: Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? Those words struck deep.

How many times have I gone to great lengths to be right? How much of my suffering was the direct result of my ego taking a hit? Even in my spiritual life, I wanted to be right: on the right path, thinking the right things, acting in the right way. How often did I use God's yard stick as my unit of measure? Most of the time I used another method - my ego. To stroke my ego, I looked for confirmation from others.

On the surface, I truly thought I was seeking God's approval, while in truth, I wanted Him to confirm that I was right.

The Scripture, die to self equals letting go of my ego. The truly humble are not weak. They are exceptionally strong. Their self-being is not dependent on anyone, on any circumstance or deed. They spend little time thinking about how others need to change, focusing instead of how they need to change.

It is a tall order, this letting go of ego, pride, the need to be right, to be on the right side, the best, the winner. This new spirituality focuses on Being. Being in communion with God and allowing everything else to fall into place. And it will. With Him as my focus, I will naturally care about my family, my friends, my neighborhood, my city, my country and my world. 

This change in focus will change my perceptions, the first being judgement. This will be a hard one. How can I not judge what is good or bad? How should we react to injustices? Just determining that there is an injustice is a form of judgement, isn't it? How can I work toward world change if I don't determine where injustices lie and then act?

First, all changes begin very close to home - me. First I change. Scripture speaks of the tendency to see the mote in my brother's eye, ignoring the beam in mine.

This seems daunting, but all journeys begin with the first step. My first step is working on my ego, my need to always be right - in my eyes as well as others. I can't help but wonder how this change will effect my life. Will I indeed be happier? And in due course, will others around me be happier? With a moment truthful reflection, the answer is easy to see.