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I wondered why Judas’ suicide was the greater sin. This quote from St. Catherine of Sienna explained why. Judas displeased God more by his suicide than his betrayal of Jesus because he judged his misery (sin) to be greater than God’s mercy.
St. Catherine also writes that despair is one of the Devil’s chief weapons, worry being the other. No sin is too great for God’s mercy, except our own false judgment.
None of my mistakes matter once I repent and receive (accept) God’s forgiveness. Yet, I still struggle to forgive myself. After the No Fishing lesson, I’ve gotten better, but I still play the reruns now and then. Why?
I’m worried if I forget about those sins, I’ll repeat them. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
I don't need to wallow in my misery (too often of my own creation). First, I need to remember the situation will not last. Second, changing my focus from myself to others pulls me from my self-absorption. Third, I should not be too stubborn to ask for help.
Most of the time, my misery stems from expecting more of myself than others do, especially my husband. If I ask, he often has a better plan or his willing to help. But my stiff-necked, stubborn, martyr persona rejects the idea, thinking he should know I need help. Sounds a lot like what St. Catherine wrote about, loving my misery more than anyone’s help.
Her words are like a two-by-four right between the eyes.
The next time I want to wallow in any misery, be it over past mistakes or my misguided sense of responsibility, I’ll remember this little gem.
Thank you, Lord, for pointing out another of my misunderstandings and mistakes. Never let me wallow in my misery, rejecting your mercy. Amen.