A New Thing

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

 The 25^th of this month marks the one-year anniversary of my husband’s passing. It has been busy. No pause in the physical and mental demands — until now.

The legal aspects of losing a spouse are finished. The physical and emotional task of sorting and disposing of his personal belongings is done. The selling of our home and relocating are over. The holidays are over as well. Family has settled back into busy lives. We text. We call, but the get-togethers are less often. Life goes on.

With nothing pressing to keep me busy, grief has settled in, along with the accompanying fatigue.. I don’t fight it. When I need to rest, I do. No guilt. Some days are more productive. Shopping, cleaning, painting, writing. Other days, I have little motivation to even get dressed.

Today, I woke with a different attitude. Instead of looking at a day of intense quiet, I anticipate what God has planned. He has promised me a future. Today is yesterday’s future — filled with possibilities and hope.

It is amazing how a change in mental attitude affects your outlook as well as your energy levels. Oh, there will still be moments of deep grief and the accompanying fatigue, but it won’t last as long. For the most part, I’ll be looking for new ways to be useful, to be a part of something outside myself. What that is, at this moment only God knows. But I’m ready. I’m waiting, and I’m watching.

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

Thank you, Lord. Amen.

 

Things That Didn’t Happen

Image by Stephanie Holland from Pixabay

This holiday season, I am thankful for all the usual things like a warm home, food, clothing, etc. However, I won’t lie. I’m not thankful my husband won’t be with me this holiday season. 

I will spend the holidays with my son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughters, which will be special, something I haven’t done in many years, but there will still be a missing part. Times alone. Even so, I’m trying to keep a positive attitude and not dwell on what is missing.

A pastor friend posted a comment on social media. Even if we can’t bring ourselves to be thankful for our current situation, we can be thankful for the things that didn’t happen. As the old saying goes, things can always be worse.

The thought is similar to the sentiment in the Garth Brooks song, Thankful for Unanswered Prayers. Life experience has taught me to avoid praying for particular things and just ask God for help. How can I presume to tell God what’s best? Regardless of the situation, like missing my husband, God will help me through it. And not just me. All of us.

So, this Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for what I have — and for the things that didn’t happen.

Amen.

 

Six Months

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

Even during the hard times, time passes faster than you expect. It’s already been six months since my husband passed. I thought the day would bring an onslaught of tears, but not so far. My mind is busy with my to-do List and Cooper, my Brittany, wants to play and cuddle. Those ease my heartache and loneliness.

Last night I visited my son and his family. My two granddaughters both hugged me and told me how much they love me. That moment will stay with me for the rest of my life.  

Not only that, but it seems that on every trip to the grocery store I end up in conversation with another woman.

Last week, as I passed the jams and jelly section, I overheard a woman mutter, “I don’t need three jars of jam.”

I paused at the ache in her voice.

I asked, “Is the reason you don’t need three jars the same reason I don’t either?”

“Yes.”

“How long has it been?”

She answered, “Four years.”

“Almost six months for me.”

“You know what I miss the most?”

“What?”

She held out her arms. “Hugs.”

I didn't hesitate to hug her back.  

Only God could orchestrate two widows meeting in the jam aisle and exchanging hugs.

God is with me no matter where I am or what I’m doing.

“…for he himself has said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5.

“Dear Lord, I am forever grateful. Amen.”