No Holy Abracadabra

 

Image by Willgard Krause from Pixabay

I’ve started a new devotion, Running From a Crazy Man (and Other Adventures Traveling with Jesus) by Lori Stanley Reoleveld. Her fresh point of view and entertaining writing style have given me many things to ponder.

This morning, the chapter was titled, Waiting for the Holy Abracadabra. In other words, praying hard for a miracle to get us out of our current fix, or give us something we want. Sometimes God does, but most often he says no to our requests and instead walks with us through the trial. God’s always right, of course, but it doesn’t necessarily seem that way at the time. As in my current circumstances.

It was then I realized my attitude has changed. My prayers are not for myself. God doesn’t need to fix anything. There are others who need a miracle, an answered prayer, far more than me.

Why this change?

I’m truly leaving my life in God’s hands. After all, he promised, “I would see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13.

This current transition period will pass, and God has promised a new future. I’m at peace with whatever that is. That doesn’t mean I’m not grieving and struggling to adjust, but it's not all consuming. 

I spent last evening with my son and his family, which was a blessing in itself, but when I walked into the house, my first thought was, “I’m home.” 

This place is no longer strange. It is my home. 

How many homes will I have? Only God knows, but regardless of how many or wherever they might be, God’s already there.   

Thank you, Lord. Amen. 

Sunrise

 

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

5:30 am. 

Still dark, sky illuminated by stars, sweet spring perfume hanging in the warm air. 

Hundreds of birds singing, anticipating a sunrise yet to come - a great example of faith. 

Believing in the miracle while standing in the dark.

Miracles

In my last post, I mentioned how I saw rainbows everywhere. As they usually precede a miracle, I first believed the miracle was avoiding an emergency room visit due to a reaction from my new medication. I took Zyrtec as the last ER doctor suggested, and although the symptoms persisted for several days, they were not bad enough to seek medical help.

But the rainbows continued to appear, and then this happened. 

My husband’s knee surgeon requires an after surgery blood thinner to prevent blood clots. Normally, he subscribes aspirin. Unfortunately, my husband is allergic to it. The alternative is expensive — to the tune of around $700 for a 30 day supply, which he needs.

 Although the VA will pay for the surgery, they will not pay for the medication. They don’t feel it is needed, contrary to the surgeon’s opinion. However, if that was all the out-of-pocket expense we had to pay, that was pretty small in comparison.

We took the prescription to our Costco pharmacy, and even with our member discount, the medication was still $500. Better, but still a chunk of money. The pharmacist thought they had a coupon for the prescription, which would reduce the cost a little more, and asked us to come back in about 20 minutes while he checked.

We did our shopping. My husband suggested I take our purchases and go back to the truck and wait with Cooper while he picked up the prescription.

After I unloaded the groceries from the cart, I struck up a conversation with the sweet lady parked next to me, also waiting for her husband. (If she lived nearby, I know we’d be good friends, but she and her husband were only passing through. Darn.)

We chatted and chatted and chatted. I was beginning to worry. I tried calling my husband’s cell phone to see what the delay was, but it rang in the console. He'd left the phone in the truck.

I headed into the store to find him and met him at the entrance.

Turns out the reason for the long delay was nothing short of a miracle.

The coupon the pharmacy found was rejected by the pharmaceutical company. Unwilling to let that go, the pharmacist tried several more times. Each one failed. Still not letting it go, he called the company. Through his negotiation, he got the prescription on a free 30 day trial with a promise of a big discount from the company if my husband should need it again. 

I was stunned. The medication was free?

We are so thankful for the dedication of the pharmacist and the compassion of the pharmaceutical company. 

The experience reminded me — again — to leave all things in God’s hands. He was there in my yesterdays. He is here today, and He’s already there tomorrow. Amen.

 

The Impossible

 

Original Photo by Author

The experts said it was impossible. But it happened.

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Stage 3b Chronic Kidney disease in December. It’s not curable. Neither is it reversible.

I went on a low-sodium diet in an effort to control the disease and lose weight, hoping the combination would stop its progression.

My doctor ordered more blood tests last Friday. I worried my GFR count had dropped again, putting me closer to the more serious levels. There are only five. The last being renal failure and death.

I prayed and asked others to pray for me.

Sunday morning, my husband opened the front blinds to a beautiful sunrise. “Sweetheart. Come look. The sunrise looks like a rainbow.”

It did. Bands of alternating colors stretched across the eastern sky. I couldn’t help but smile. God has sent rainbows whenever I faced serious health issues, always preceding a miracle. My health was in God’s hands.

Ten minutes later, an email notification came through stating my lab results were available in my patient portal. With shaky fingers, I logged in and read the results.

I’d prayed for my GFR reading to remain stable. It wasn’t. It rose from 44 to 69. Anything 60 and above is normal or in Stage 2. How did my numbers jump 25 points to the positive? Not possible. But there it was. God’s miracle.

Dear Lord, I will strive to honor you with this new life you have so graciously given me. Amen.  

 

God Is Already There

Photo by qimono@Pixabay

Every so often, despite my best intensions, I jump on the worry-go-round, envisioning future issues and wondering how I’ll cope. I’ve gotten better in these last few years, foregoing some of my compulsiveness, but I still succumb now and then. This last week was one of them.  

God reminded me in my scripture readings He’s already there. Not only was Psalm 37 listed but also Mark 8: 1-10. Jesus fed four thousand with seven loaves and a few fishes. How many baskets of leftovers did they collect? Seven.

I’ve read that passage many times and never once caught the seven loaves or seven baskets of leftovers. God saved that insight for today when I needed it the most. 

As I have mentioned in prior posts, God uses the numbers three and seven to remind me He will give me the desires of my heart (those that align with His will) and provide everything I need while I walk upon this earth. So, why do I worry?

The devil whispers doubts, spins dark scenarios, and unless I’m careful, I fall into his trap.

God never leaves me there. He reminds me through symbols and scripture that as long as I hold on to my faith, the flames of doubt and fear will never burn me.

Thank you, Lord, for pulling me back from the pit of worry, for reminding me You have already prepared for my future needs — all of them. Amen.

 

The Divine Embrace

© Can Stock Photo / Bialasiewicz

Every year during Holy Week, I relive this experience.

Palm Sunday. I was the only one up, enjoying a rare moment of quiet, and rather than rouse everyone for church, I selfishly decided to stay home and read the scripture.  

The familiar words became intensely personal. Jesus willingly suffered that horrendous death for me, not just for my sins, but in my place. He died instead of me.

 Overwhelmed, I collapsed into my arms and sobbed.

I had to go to church, even if I had to crawl the entire way on my hands and knees.

My husband sat up when I opened the closet and snatched out pants and a blouse.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting ready for church.”

“Now?”

“I have twenty minutes to get there. You don’t have to come.”

“I want to. Just give me a moment.”

“No, you’ll take too long, especially the kids. They aren’t even up yet. There’s no time to fuss with them about getting dressed.”

Ignoring me, he jumped from bed and disappeared into the bathroom.

To my surprise, when I exited the bedroom, everyone was ready. Even the kids. All. Three. Of. Them. A miracle.   

As we raced across town, I recited my usual mantra, “Better late than never.”

We pulled into—an empty parking lot.

I didn’t understand. According to the clock, we were ten minutes late. Where was everyone?

My husband pointed to a sign beside the door. Services had been moved back a half hour this one Sunday only. Instead of being late, we were twenty minutes early. How had I missed the announcement? Stuffing that question into the back of my mind, we shuffled in and sat in our usual pew.

One moment I sat next to my family, the next I stood in a white void, but not alone. Jesus was there. He opened His arms and beckoned me. I ran into his embrace.

I felt muscle and bone beneath His white garment. While the cloth looked like soft linen, the coarse weave, similar to burlap, pressed into my skin. I ignored the roughness and snuggled closer. In His arms there was no sorrow, no pain, no fear, only joy the world could never offer. I wanted nothing, needed nothing.

Unbidden, my sins paraded behind my closed eyelids. Too many. I did not deserve to be in His presence, let alone touching Him. I drew back, hanging my head in shame.

He urged me to look at Him. His eyes held no accusation. He loved me just as I was—flawed and imperfect. It did not matter how many times I failed, only how hard I tried.

My heart filled with joy and I reached for him, but the deep sorrow in His eyes stopped my advance. He directed my gaze toward a huge pit of fire. Black smoke roiled over white-hot flames.

“You will walk through an inferno, not as a result of your sins, but as a natural part of your life. You will endure great pain.”

“I can’t! I won’t be able to bear it.”

His eyes told me I had no choice.

Bracing myself for a horrific blast of heat, I stepped into the pit. His hand reached through the flames and grasped mine. As long as I held onto Him, my faith, the fire would never burn me, and He would be waiting on the other side.

With my next breath, I was back in church sitting beside my family. I touched my cheek. The impression of his garment remained, so did the ecstasy of His embrace. I closed my eyes, unwilling to return to the world.

 Life went on, but not as before. Everything had changed, especially me. The comfort and assurance of that experience followed me through every moment of my day, through all the heartaches and challenges, blessing me with more divine interactions and miracles.

 Thank you, Lord, for loving me enough to die for me, and for the compassion and encouragement you continue to give despite my frequent falls from grace. Amen. 

Thankful

It isn’t always easy to be thankful when the road gets rough. When illnesses, financial crisis, and death strike, I want to give into doubts, fear, and complaining, but God loves me too much to leave me alone in my misery.

He’s sent strange messengers (The Unexpected Messenger), promises and encouragements in dreams (You’ll Never Look at the Stars Alone) and Scripture. He sent a turkey when I had no money for food (The Miracle Turkey), rainbows reminding me to trust in His promises, unexpected financial boons, confirmations, and even some chastisements (Insurance).

I am unworthy of all this attention. I doubt, argue, and complain. Not as much as I used to, but I haven’t conquered the tendency yet.  

Besides working toward more trust and less doubt, I am trying to be more generous with my money, my time, and my talents. It’s easy to round up my grocery purchase to help with needy families and the local food bank. I enjoy giving away paintings (Paintings), writing, and creating free book covers for other authors (Original Book Cover Designs). They are tiny ways I can give back.

For the rest? I’m leaving that in God’s hands. He knows far more what someone needs than I do. When I pray, I leave the outcome open to His will. As a recent meme stated, I must trust that He will get it right.

 

 

The Miracle Turkey

Photo by SJ Baren on Unsplash

This Thanksgiving my husband and I are thankful for many things, especially my recovery and cure from breast cancer. Hard to believe we will celebrate my two year anniversary this coming January. 

We also are blessed and thankful to have such a beautiful home, loving family, and good friends. 

The list goes on, but these are the topmost.

This year, besides listing the things I'm most thankful for, I want to pull a story from the archives and share this once again. Although this incident did not occur on Thanksgiving, it did involve a turkey and even after twenty some years I can't look at one without thinking of this miracle.  God does indeed clothe us, pay our bills, and does the extraordinary through the very ordinary.

My late husband had been laid off for weeks. My part-time job and his unemployment benefits barely met our basic necessities. With three kids still at home our grocery bill was bigger than our house payment and that week we were flat broke with several more days to payday. Things looked pretty grim with a bare pantry.

As I drove home, I remembered this story. 

A flood ravaged a small community, forcing many residents onto their roofs to await rescue. One man looked at the water already lapping against his ankles and realized he couldn't wait too much longer to be rescued. Desperate, he cried out to God to rescue him. God promised He would.

 A rescue helicopter appeared and lowered a rope. A rescuer yelled down for the man to grab the rope and they would hoist him up to safety. The man waved them off. God was going to rescue him and he didn’t need the helicopter. The crew shook their heads at the man’s foolishness and moved off.

Two men came by in a row boat and offered to take him with them. The man refused their help also, again stating God was going to rescue him.

A surge of water swept the man off the roof and he drowned. Standing before God he asked why He hadn’t saved him as He had promised.

God replied, “I sent you a helicopter and a row boat, what more did you want?”                                                                                                                 

Author Unknown

Whatever God sent my way, by whatever means, I would not decline the offer. I would look for and accept a helicopter or a row boat, but I didn't expect Him to send a turkey.

A twenty pound turkey, thawed and ready to cook, sat in my kitchen sink. I really didn't believe it just materialized out of thin air. Someone had to put it there, and only one person outside my family who had a key to the house, my mother.

I called her, and listened to a story almost as amazing as if the bird had suddenly materialized out of nothing.

The freezer belonging to a woman on the other side of town malfunctioned. She was able to salvage most of the food by either cooking it or transferring to the small freezer in her refrigerator, except for the twenty pound turkey. She offered it to a neighbor. The neighbor accepted it, but passed it to a friend. That friend decided she didn't want it and passed it on to someone else.

This was repeated over and over until the bird crossed town and landed at my mother's doorstep. My dad hated turkey, but Mother knew my family and I loved it. She brought it down to the house and set it in my sink just before I arrived.

I marveled at the timing. It was early afternoon and I had plenty of time to cook the large bird. As with the feeding of the five-thousand, we not only had enough for dinner, but enough to last  for several days until the next paycheck.

Since that miracle, whenever I'm faced with difficult circumstances, I think of helicopters, rowboats, and turkeys - for truly nothing is impossible with God. 

Sometimes I Envy Moses

Photo by Jeff Jacobs from Pixabay

God has answered my prayers many times, but rarely in the way I hoped or expected. He knows where the true blessings lie and asks that I dig a little deeper to see what he sees.

Those times I wish I could talk to him like Moses, face to face, and receive a direct answer back. Life would be so much simpler, wouldn’t it?

I often envy the Israelites too. Imagine seeing the miracles they experienced during the Exodus: the plagues, the parting of the Red Sea, water from a rock, manna. I want to think I’d never complain or doubt like they did, but is that true?

God has given me so many miracles and yet I still tend to worry with each crisis, wondering if God will rescue me this time.

As hard as it is, I must recognize that I am often just as stiff-necked as the Israelites in the desert, complaining and doubting when I don’t get the answers I want when I want them. 

But I must also remember these are the steppingstones God uses to lead me toward the fulfillment of his plan for my life, and regardless of where the path leads, what sorrows I will endure, I can be sure the path will also be filled with great joy.

St. Paul and Three Christmas Miracles

I think of Saint Paul often.  He thought of himself as the lesser Apostle, not worthy of being called an Apostle. I feel the same unworthiness being called a child of God. I recount my failings in an endless cycle I can’t seem to stop.

  

While the Apostle often speaks of his transgressions and weaknesses, he also exhorts God’s mercy. God forgave all of his sins, including the persecution and murder of the Church, and called him to be an Apostle.

This same mercy also applies to my sins. Yet I still fall into an all too familiar state of wretchedness, which seems to escalate during the holidays.

Christmas day, I struggled with wanting to go to church and dreading going alone. I decided to put my personal issues aside and attend.

 A woman walking just ahead of me, stopped and said, “Good morning.”

I smiled. “Good morning. I see you’re going alone too.”

She nodded. “Yes. Shall we go alone, together?”

My smile broadened. “Yes.”

God’s first miracle. This woman and I sat together as friends although we had never met. We shared the knowing looks, the small talk, the smiles, and the little courtesies good friends share. 

Just that was enough, but God had more planned for me that day.

As our pastor told us the story of the angels appearing to the shepherds, I saw a vision of angels surrounding him, a line of celestial bodies extending farther than I could see, a tiny glimpse of the glory of that holy night. God's second gift. 

The scene changed. I saw my death, my body collapsed on the floor of our living room.

Jesus appeared, reached down and grasped my hand. He pulled me up into his embrace, put his arm around my shoulders, and personally escorted me into heaven. He showed me amazing things, delighting in my astonishment with each revelation as a loving parent would a child. With my every exclamation, His joy increased.

The vision faded, but not its impact.

  

I no longer fear death. How can I?

I understand St. Paul’s desire to complete this race we call life. I am ready anytime God calls me, but in the meantime, I will live my life with an altered set of priorities, and with less fear. God's third gift.

“In all things we suffer tribulations, but are not distressed; we are straitened, but are not destitute; We suffer persecution, but are not forsaken; we are cast down, but we perish not: Always bearing about in our body the mortification of Jesus, that the life also of Jesus may be made manifest in our bodies. For we who live are always delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake that the life also of Jesus may be made manifest in our mortal flesh. So then death works in us, but life in you.” 2 Corinthians 4: 8- 12

Foot Note: It just occurred to me, the church I attend is named for St. Paul. God never leaves out a detail. 

My Hour Had Not Yet Come

I will die one day, but until then I will escape death, one way or another. The trick, of course is knowing if my hour has come, or not. I have mentioned several times that God promised my current husband and I would grow old together in health. I have stood on that promise several times, and yet, in the back of my mind, I know the hour of my death will eventually come. Will I know the hour? Or, will it come as a surprise?

So far, premonitions have preceded the biggest tragedies. In some cases, pre-knowledge allowed me to avert the danger. Most of the time, God sent the premonitions to prepare me for heartbreaking circumstances. Other times, the dreams and visions preceded a miracle.

The moment we planned an extended trip in our RV, the dreams and visions began. Over and over the same scene played out in my mind. I saw a steep narrow road, the ground falling away thousands of feet into a canyon. For reasons not explained in the premonition, we fail to negotiate the turn. 

Do Whatever He Tells You

Photo by Rosen Georgieve at FreeDigialPhotos.net                                    

"... the mother of Jesus said to him. 'They have no wine.' … His mother said to the servers, 'Do whatever he tells you.'" John 2:3,5

Throughout the Bible, prophets and Apostles, as well as Mary admonished people to, “Do whatever he tells you.” This often preceded a miracle.

Some spiritual exercises encourage us to imagine we are in the biblical scene, seeing, touching, hearing. How would we react? What would we say? Would we be among those clamoring for attention, or one of the skeptics shouting for everyone to just be quiet?

There is a third possibility, being the one who waits patiently, praying silently, believing God knows our need and will come at the appropriate time.

I want to be this third kind of believer, but it’s hard. Patience is difficult if my circumstances seem critical. Another difficulty, is whatever I desire what God wills? That one is tough. If it is, it will happen, if not…

Weeds, Rainbows, and a Life Saving Miracle - True Story

I spent last weekend miserably sick with an unknown ailment and of course, my mind ran amok with scenarios, conjuring up horrific diseases. However, before I could make an appointment to see my doctor, God told me not to worry, and then He provided a miracle that saved my life - no exaggeration.

The morning I first noticed symptoms, my devotions listed the Book of Tobias – for the entire following week. This book is significant to me, a source of a previous divine promise.

After my third husband passed away, I believed I would be alone for the rest of my life. At the age of forty-seven, that had the possibility of being a long, lonely life, but God had other plans.

Two Ways to Live Your Life

“There are only two ways to live your life. 

One is as though nothing is a miracle. 

The other is as though everything is a miracle.” 

Albert Einstein. 

Bumps, Bends, and Miracles

My life has had many bumps and bends, but through a series of amazing circumstances (a story for another time), God has promised that the last half of my life would be better than the first.

It sure didn't look like that at first. The road appeared to be filled with as many bumps and potholes as the first half: lost jobs, health issues, and financial crises - until unimaginable miracles began.

There were many, many miracles, but today I want to thank God for a few of the more extraordinary ones, like His paying off my small business debt, an insurance company insisting on paying a death benefit twice, and the purchase of a home without any money for a down payment and little income.

Divine Orchestration

 Image courtesy of [nuttakit] at FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

They say, never borrow trouble from tomorrow, today has more than enough. I believe that, yet sometimes the prospect of things in the not-so-distant future can add to today’s burdens, regardless of my efforts not to add to my bank account of worry.

One of these issues is writing. It’s a tough business. Writing is hard work and then not everyone will like what I write. I am fortunate not to have any negative reviews of my first book – yet.  I know it isn’t perfect, but could I go back and improve it? Of course. Should I? I don’t know. 

One reader suggested it could be more powerful if I revised it. But, is it good enough as it stands? As Kristen Lamb said, “You will never write the perfect book.” All I can think to do is pray for discernment on whether to revisit that work now, or after I launch my next book, or just let it lie.

Another issue is actually this blog. The day job keeps me away from home eleven hours a day, and doesn't leave much time for anything, let alone writing or spending quality time with my husband. A few of my followers contacted me recently. They comment how much they looked forward to my posts – and miss them. After some reflection, I realized I missed writing them.

These are my meditations on divine subjects, among other things, and are often a reiteration of His encouragement and promises. I haven’t been spending as much time with Him as I should. Yet, how do I balance this with writing novels? As I have stated in Lions, Why I Write, I need to write. But, how?

It Began With the Blind

Bill and I stood in the backyard of our beautiful new home and stared at the street lamp. 

I looked at Bill. "Why would anyone put duct tape on the backside of the light?"

"I don't know. It'd be a lot prettier without the tape."

"Yes, it would. Maybe after we are unpacked we can climb up there and pull that ratty tape off."

Shaking our heads at such insanity, we went back to unloading the U-haul.

Several grueling hours later, we crawled into bed. I rolled over and snuggled into my pillow. It was then the significance of the duct tape on the street lamp became apparent.

The Master Suite door, the one with the large glass window that led out to the back deck, was in a direct line with the street lamp. Due to that alignment, a shaft of of bright amber light seeped through a two-inch gap between the door and the blind, marched down the wall above the bed, continued across my pillow and slammed into my eyes. 

Silent Communication

As I have aged it seems my relationship with God has increased. I see Him everywhere, His messages are in my Scripture readings, in my devotions, and in every nuance of my life. When I form a thought, He answers (confirms) in silent communication, that is silent to others, loud and clear to me.

The future is fraught with uncertainties, and yet now after years of worrying, I have learned put it all in God's hands and leave it there. The miracles surrounding the purchase of our new home gave me the final push to finally do this. In our payday to payday existence, owning another home was an impossibility that God made miraculously possible.

Yes, we closed on the loan last Friday. We are homeowners once again, inspite of all the roadblocks and deep canyons. God removed and spanned each one, and taught me, once again, to believe in Him rather than my circumstances.

As new issues on the emerged on the horizon, I have not (as yet) opened the door to Worry and Anxiety. This time I passed by. Nothing there for me. God has my future handled. Period. As if in confirmation, Psalm 27, one of God's many silent communications, was in my devotions. And not just any verses, but the ones He always repeats when I need their encouragement or reinforcement: Verses 1,4, 13-14:

"The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?

One thing I have asked of the Lord, this I will seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.

I believe to see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living. Expect the Lord, do manfully, and let thy heart take courage, and wait thou for the Lord. "

Of course our conversation didn't stop there. Matthew 9: 27-31 was also in my devotions. Verse 28: "...And Jesus said to them, Do you believe that I can do this unto you?"

Yes, Lord. I do.

The Miracle Turkey

This Thanksgiving my husband and I are thankful for the impossible gift of a home. Every stumbling block evaporated and we will close on our new home next week. As I wrote previously in Our Gordian Knot, the difficulties surrounding this were an impregnable fortresses only God could extract us from.

As I fell to my knees in thanksgiving, another memory surfaced, and given this particular feast day, I want to pull one story from the archives and share once again. Although this did not occur on Thanksgiving, it did involve a Turkey and I have not looked at one quite the same since this incident. God does indeed unravel our Gordian Knots, clothes us, pays our bills, and sometimes does the extraordinary through the very ordinary.

We were flat broke with several more days to payday. With three kids to feed and a pantry nearly bare, things looked pretty grim. I mentioned my concern to a close friend at work.

"Remember when God paid your insurance? If He will do that, he will surely feed your family as well. Trust Him."

She then told me this story.  

Choosing to Believe

Our loan officer announced our application has gone to the underwriters and a decision should be made within the next two or three days. It is hard not to be anxious. We are ready to settle down and stop moving from place to place and from house to house. It seems now is the perfect time. The house is perfect. The price is perfect and interest rates are the lowest they have been in years, and yet, is it God's will for us?

So far, the issues of the down payment, the closing costs, the inspection costs and the appraisal costs have evaporated, all taken care of in ways we did not foresee. My heart says not to worry, but my mind still conjures images of things that could yet go wrong - until.