About Me

Many think I have had an easy life with God granting me so many miracles, convinced he grants all my desires. That isn’t true.  If God had granted me all my desires, my first husband would have loved me and not abused our boys and me. We would have remained married. Instead, my husband left bruises and scars. The ultimate act: he put a pillow over my face and held it there until I stopped struggling. After he fell asleep, the boys and I ran with only the clothes on our backs.

For months the man stalked me, threatening me with guns and violence. My life was still a living hell even after I divorced him. Yes, God was with me. He protected me and granted me miracles, visions, and prophetic dreams. But I still had to walk through that fire.

Later, God blessed me with another marriage, a good man who raised my boys as his own. That was a miracle. However, our daughter was born prematurely. Doctors gave her a 50/50 chance of survival. I walked in a fog of anxiety and fear for weeks. Even when she came home, her health issues kept me on a twenty-four-hour vigil for three months. I was exhausted.

Ron worked in the timber industry, and we struggled financially through timber strikes and eventually a mill closure. We lived on unemployment and my part-time job. Some days I didn’t know how we’d pay the bills and buy groceries. Still, God always provided just enough. However, I wasn’t yet at the point in my faith journey I could let go of the fear.

When the mill closed and Ron lost his job, we borrowed money and opened a flower shop. I kept working at my job as a State Certified Optician until I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in both thumb joints, caused by repetitive movements in my job. Many nights my hands were so painful I couldn’t undress, couldn’t hold a spoon or a fork.

I consulted an orthopedic surgeon. I needed surgery, but I was too young. I could only have the surgery once, and having it too soon I risked wearing out the replacement cartilage before I reached old age. I had to change professions. The flower shop was doing well, and I joined Ron there, but that was also hard on my hands. 

Then, two years after we opened the shop, and seventeen years of marriage, Ron passed away from unknown causes. I held him in my arms and wept while I waited for the paramedics. My life, my world turned upside down. My boys were grown, but my daughter was only sixteen. Overnight, I became the sole owner of our flower shop and a single parent.

For ten years, I worked hard to keep the shop running. When the government took the water from the local farms, most businesses lost 90% of their income when maniy farms failed. I lost only 25%, but that was a tremendous loss to absorb for a small business. I had employees steal from me. Others resented me. I became the center of town gossip. Friends abandoned me. Throw in some family issues, and I thought I was drowning.

During this mess, God introduced me to another good man. We dated for a year before doctors diagnosed him with a brain tumor. I stayed with him through the surgery and recovery. Six months later, his brain scans showed no regrowth. Even the Stanford oncologist believed that although Shannon wasn’t cured, it would be years before the tumor grew back. We married in September. He had a grand mal seizure in November. Against all odds, the tumor was back. Shannon passed away in January. Three months after our wedding.

I was reeling. I didn’t think I’d ever see relief from the stress of running the shop - or from grief. I lost two husbands within a span of three years. My hair fell out. My blood pressure soared.

Once again God blessed me with a marriage and a whirlwind wedding and honeymoon in Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe Africa. Bill and I were good companions, but we had our struggles. Living with a law enforcement officer is not easy. They think differently from us civilians and react to life’s challenges in ways often hard to understand. We had wonderful times, but challenging ones too.

He retired after thirty-four years in law enforcement, and I sold the flower shop believing I could retire as well. But because of a lawsuit against the Public Employee Retirement Agency, took 20% of his retirement. I had to continue working stressful jobs for another ten years until I could collect my social security.

My retirement years were better. We had more stable finances but health issues plagued us. Bill was hospitalized with an internal abscess, which almost took his life. Then hospitalized again a few years later with an inflamed liver. I was diagnosed with breast cancer but blessed a mastectomy removed the cancer and no chemo or radiation was necessary. I’ve been cancer free for eight years.

Then COVID hit. Bill was diagnosed with a severe case and rushed from his doctor’s office to the hospital room by ambulance.  I stood in the parking lot watching it pull away, not knowing if I’d ever see him again. He survived, but it took a heavy toll on his health. Soon after, arthritis from his years as a police officer limited his ability to move. I took on more of the household and outside chores. He lost most of his hearing, and I became his interpreter. We often joked he was my hands, and I was his ears.

Then came that fateful New Year’s Day. Bill slipped, fell on the floor, and couldn't get up. The ER doctors discovered the brain tumor. Three weeks of hospital stays, surgery, and therapy followed. I drove back and forth between home and the hospital, a 75-mile round trip. Some days I was so tired I was seeing double and drove home with one eye closed.

Bill passed away on the 25^th of January. Only three weeks from diagnosis. My world was spun around and turned upside down again. I couldn’t keep the house, so I put it on the market and began a marathon of repairs, cleaning, and purging. No rest, no time for true grieving. I had moments when I was so overwhelmed I fell to the floor and sobbed. But I couldn’t stay there. I had legal issues to handle, the house sale, and preparing to move out of state to be closer to family. But I had a full life there. A home, friends, and a church, yett for reasons only God knew, he yanked that away, leaving me reeling.

Then, six months after Bill passed away, God sent me this scripture. “"The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’" Genesis 2:18.

I thought, no way. I’d had numerous marriages, surely God didn’t intend for me to have another relationship. He wouldn't ask me to go through that again. No. I’d spend the rest of my life alone.

In answer to my doubts, God brought this scripture to my attention in many unexpected, miraculous ways. “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Several more times he sent the scripture from Genisis along with other inferences to another relationship.

A year and a half later, I met a former classmate at a small class reunion breakfast. We connected in a way I thought would never happen again in my lifetime. Ed is unlike any man I have known. Intuitive, thoughtful, kind, and sometimes I think he reads my mind. His thoughtfulness surpasses anything I have experienced.

Now, armed with faith and trust in God, I step forward toward this new life, confident God will be with me in all circumstances, both the joyful and the sorrowful. Instead of worrying about possible new sorrows, I look for the lilies and rainbows, the miracles God sends when I need them most, and keep my face tilted toward the light. Amen.