Inside

Image by congerdesign from Pixabay   

Over the years God has granted me small glimpses of heaven, tiny peeks into what is waiting for us beyond this life. There are no words to describe what I've seen. I can only say this: I want it enough to change my willful habits and follow Jesus' example of a Christian life. 

But my desire is not enough. Distractions and temptations keep me from prayer and lure me away from following His commandments.It takes conscious effort to ignore the temptations. Some days, it's an hourly battle. 

Yet, there is hope. 

God has promised me heaven not because I'm good, but because He is good. 

I don't expect a mansion when I get there. A small cottage, or even a studio apartment, may be too much to expect, and far more than I deserve. However, if I can get inside the gate, it will be enough. I don't care if I have to stand with my back against the wall for all eternity, as long as I am inside.

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice. Cherokee proverb. Amen. 

Choosing

 Image by Aline Ponce @Pixabay

The prayer meditation in my morning devotional used the description forever-home for heaven. If heaven is our true home, why did God create us here instead of heaven? Why go through all this human rigmarole? To develop good character?

Adam and Eve were born into a Paradise, one step below heaven. They spoke with God face to face. If they were that close to God, why did He not just put them in heaven and skip Eden altogether?

Then I realized one big factor. True love requires choice. It can’t be forced.

If God plopped us down in the middle of heaven, there would be no choice. God’s love is so complete He gave us a free will. God would never force us to choose Him. But in order to have a choice, there must be something else to choose.

In the case of Adam and Eve, God placed the Tree of Life in the middle of Paradise. He told them not to eat of its fruit, giving them a choice between Him or temptation, Satan in disguise. Their choice caused us to be born into a world of temptations.

We can’t lay total blame on their shoulders. We lean toward temptation by our very nature. But through the birth of Jesus, God not only restored our relationship with Him, but He also became a physical presence. Jesus’ disciples could see, touch, and hear Him, much like Adam and Eve. Still, they too fell into temptation, but repented, and chose God over everything, even their earthly lives.

Through Scripture I see and hear Jesus. I feel his presence when I open my heart to Him. Even so, like the Apostles, I often make the wrong choices. But also like them, when it comes to Whom I choose to give my life to, the choice is easy. 

Merry Christmas! May the peace of Christ be with you throughout this season, through the New Year — always!   

 

Life Changing Prayer

Judging from the beauty of our world, heaven must truly be a wonderful place. Besides the beauty, there are no worries about money, health, or death.

Then, if we truly trust God with our lives, we don’t need to worry about those things here, either. But it is hard not to be caught up in world events and concerns, not to mention our personal struggles. Our human bodies and spirits are in constant conflict.

However, through prayer, we can minimize the struggle, conforming our will to God’s. After all, our prayers don’t change Him. He is unchangeable. It is we who must change. Sadly, many, often including me, don’t want to change and stay trapped in their sins and bad choices.

The devil wants us to believe there is happiness in sin and makes it seem attractive, irresistible. And we have all fallen for his lies at one time or another.

But the story doesn’t stop there. Jesus rewrote it, offering salvation to anyone who believes in Him. Not the perfect, for there are none, but we sinners. It is freeing to know that although I am flawed, sinful, and imperfect, God loves me and offers me the reward of heaven for a life lived in faith and trust.

With that thought, each sunrise, each new day, brings another chance to do better, to grow in faith, and takes us one step closer to heaven.

Dear Lord, thank you for this new day and for not giving up on me. Help me not to give up on myself or others. Deepen my prayer life and bring me closer to You. Amen.

Mother's Day Heaven Previews

Original Photo by Cecilia Marie Pulliam

My views out my windows this last week have been extraordinary. If our broken, imperfect world is this beautiful, imagine heaven! 

I wish all of you mother's a wonderful Mother's Day filled with love and many, many blessings. May God always hold you close to Him. Amen. 

Not Judged

 

Photo by Daniel Reche @Pixabay

It isn’t unusual to be reading Scripture and have one particular verse stand out, the Holy Spirit opening your eyes to a deeper, personal message. That happened to me today with John 3:18: “He that believeth in him is not judged...”

Why the powerful message had not resonated with me before is a mystery only God and the Holy Spirit can answer. Timing? Probably. Jesus told the Apostles they wouldn’t receive the whole truth of God’s mystery, only parts as they grew in faith enough to understand and accept it.

As much as I try not to rehash all my past mistakes, they continue to pester me. This isn’t uncommon. David said the same in Psalm 50:5: “For I know my iniquity, and my sin is always before me.”

John 3:18 explains so much about why the New Testament is The Good News. We who believe Jesus Christ is our Salvation will not be judged for our sins, only for our faith.

This was exemplified in Jesus’ words on the cross to the Good Thief. The man repented but had no time to do good works. It was his faith that restored his relationship with God and guaranteed him a place in heaven.

My dream about dying and going to heaven makes more sense too. In the dream, Jesus escorted me into heaven. Instead of reminding me of all my sins, He gave me a personal tour of all heaven’s wonders. As I oohed and awed over each, He laughed, pleased with my reaction.

The same with my vision of the pit of fire. He didn’t judge me then either.

Does that mean we can do whatever we want without fear of any retribution? No. Even if God won’t judge us because of our faith, we will still face the earthly consequences of our sins and poor choices. Also, if we truly believe, our thoughts and actions change. We try to please the one we love. That means replicating the kindness, compassion, faith, and love we have received. The Good News is when we fail, God understands and loves us, loves our efforts.

Many scriptures have comforted me, but this one has set me free. Amen.

The Day I Said, “Yes.”

Photo by Alexas Fotos from Pixabay

Last Sunday my pastor asked the congregation, “When did you dedicate your life to Christ?”

His question brought back a memory I hadn’t thought about in years, the day my nine-year-old self gave my life to God, in the most literal sense.

It was early spring with a vivid blue sky, newly budded trees, crocus and daffodils in bloom, and robins singing. My mother allowed me to walk to school alone for the first time and I was so happy I even skipped and danced for several blocks. At about halfway, I paused to catch my breath.

A voice asked, “Marie, do you want to come to heaven and see Galen?”

My brother, Galen, passed away from S.I.D.S. when he was only three months old. I was only a year and a half but for months afterward whenever we went shopping I’d disappear. After a frantic search, my mother would find me climbing the staircase looking for heaven so I could be with Galen.

So, when God asked me if I wanted to go to heaven I didn’t hesitate to answer, “Yes.”

“Do you know what it means to come to heaven?”

“Yes. I have to die first.”

In that instant, I understood I'd be hit by a car and killed before I reached school. Excited, I searched each intersection for the car that would send me to heaven.

It was a great disappointment when I reached school unharmed. As I reached for the door, I heard God say, “This was only a test.”

As children are so capable of doing, I accepted that and pushed the incident to the back of my mind, telling no one about the experience until years later.

Although I did not get to be with my brother that day, my life changed dramatically. God became an integral part of my daily life, blessing me with his constant presence in the form of audible (to me) conversations, visions, dreams, and divinely orchestrated coincidences.

He is truly Wonderful Comforter, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

When did you dedicate your life to God?

Good Intentions

John Hain at Pixabay

We’ve all heard the phrase, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” St. Bernard of Clairvaux (1091–1153) is credited with the original phrase, “Hell is full of good intentions, or desires.” In 1650 John Ray recited it as a proverb. “Hell is paved with good intentions.”

St. Paul writes in Romans 7:19, “For the good which I will, I do not; but the evil which I will not, that I do.”

Sounds like good intentions to me.

We are human. We try. We fail.

God understands our failings, so won’t he also understand our good intentions? There is no shame in trying and failing, only in not trying at all. Our effort counts.

There's the difference  

Good intentions never acted upon pave the way to hell. Whereas good intentions to put into action, even if unsuccessful, lead us toward heaven. 

As Joseph T. Sullivan wrote in my morning devotion in, Good Morning, Lord, “Let me be a doer of little things, the small actions that make someone else’s day a little better, putting someone before myself.”

Those good intentions are not hard to put into actions, requiring only a few minutes of my time, and yet can mean so much more to the recipient. With practice, I might even become the doer of bigger things.

Thank you, St. Paul for your honesty. It encourages the rest of us to keep running the race with our hearts and minds focused on God and eternity rather than on our failings.

Just Two Words

Just these two words He spoke changed my life. “Enjoy Me.”   

St. Teresa of Avila

Those two words change my concept of faith.  

Enjoy Me.

Not just joy but enjoy.

Enjoy Me.

Enjoy life, family, friends, passions, home, country.

Enjoy Me.

Enjoy His unconditional love, compassion, and forgiveness.  

Enjoy Me.

No wonder St. Paul described heaven as a paradise and why so many who have had near-death experiences say they wanted to stay and not come back.

Enjoy Me.

For eternity.

These two words shifted my world, changed my faith, changed my life.

Enjoy Me.

Yes!

What the Devil Doesn’t Want Us to Know

The Devil encourages us to cling to this life with a ferociousness capable of hurting, maiming, or even killing others. Even if we aren’t harming others to survive, we are praying fiercely to preserve our lives and those we love.

God answers our pleas to heal and protect, but selectively. Not everyone wins the heavenly lottery. We mourn for ourselves and for them. They will miss the family gatherings, watching loved ones grow, sunsets and sunrises, walks along the beach, Christmas and the Fourth of July. 

Or will they?

Last Christmas, God granted me a vision. As our pastor read the Gospel, I saw angels surrounding him with Jesus in their midst. The Church disappeared, replaced by my living room. I lay on the floor, dying. Jesus took my hand, lifted my spirit from my body, and with his arm around me, escorted me into Paradise.

I cannot describe what I saw, except to say there are wonders beyond our earthly senses waiting for us. 

With each exclamation of delight, Jesus responded with the same enthusiasm, much as a parent or older brother showing marvels to a younger sibling. 

The Devil doesn’t want me to remember that.

He prefers I worry and fret, believing there is nothing better than this flawed, sorrowful life, and I am an unredeemed, lost soul.

But I am saved, and I need not fear death and what waits for me beyond this life. God has prepared wonders beyond words to describe them. 

When a death occurs, I mourn for the ones left behind, suffering with the physical and emotional pain of separation.

But that’s not where it ends, as the Devil wants us to believe.

The separation is temporary, and our loved ones are not missing out - or suffering.

Accepting their absence does not mean I won’t continue to miss them, but rather than desiring they come back to earth, I will look forward to joining them. After all, God doesn’t want me to live in fear.

The Devil may not want me to know that, but God certainly does, and He will step in with compassionate encouragement through a scripture passage, a word from a friend, or a vision — and sometimes even a miracle. 

St. Paul and Three Christmas Miracles

I think of Saint Paul often.  He thought of himself as the lesser Apostle, not worthy of being called an Apostle. I feel the same unworthiness being called a child of God. I recount my failings in an endless cycle I can’t seem to stop.

  

While the Apostle often speaks of his transgressions and weaknesses, he also exhorts God’s mercy. God forgave all of his sins, including the persecution and murder of the Church, and called him to be an Apostle.

This same mercy also applies to my sins. Yet I still fall into an all too familiar state of wretchedness, which seems to escalate during the holidays.

Christmas day, I struggled with wanting to go to church and dreading going alone. I decided to put my personal issues aside and attend.

 A woman walking just ahead of me, stopped and said, “Good morning.”

I smiled. “Good morning. I see you’re going alone too.”

She nodded. “Yes. Shall we go alone, together?”

My smile broadened. “Yes.”

God’s first miracle. This woman and I sat together as friends although we had never met. We shared the knowing looks, the small talk, the smiles, and the little courtesies good friends share. 

Just that was enough, but God had more planned for me that day.

As our pastor told us the story of the angels appearing to the shepherds, I saw a vision of angels surrounding him, a line of celestial bodies extending farther than I could see, a tiny glimpse of the glory of that holy night. God's second gift. 

The scene changed. I saw my death, my body collapsed on the floor of our living room.

Jesus appeared, reached down and grasped my hand. He pulled me up into his embrace, put his arm around my shoulders, and personally escorted me into heaven. He showed me amazing things, delighting in my astonishment with each revelation as a loving parent would a child. With my every exclamation, His joy increased.

The vision faded, but not its impact.

  

I no longer fear death. How can I?

I understand St. Paul’s desire to complete this race we call life. I am ready anytime God calls me, but in the meantime, I will live my life with an altered set of priorities, and with less fear. God's third gift.

“In all things we suffer tribulations, but are not distressed; we are straitened, but are not destitute; We suffer persecution, but are not forsaken; we are cast down, but we perish not: Always bearing about in our body the mortification of Jesus, that the life also of Jesus may be made manifest in our bodies. For we who live are always delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake that the life also of Jesus may be made manifest in our mortal flesh. So then death works in us, but life in you.” 2 Corinthians 4: 8- 12

Foot Note: It just occurred to me, the church I attend is named for St. Paul. God never leaves out a detail. 

City of Angels - Why Would an Angel Want to Be Human?

One of my readings, from the book of Tobias (one of the books of the Apocrypha), describes the Angel Raphael taking on the form of a man, a man recognizable by others  as a member of a particular family. A footnote to the scripture stated the angel personated the man.


Thinking about angels personating men reminded me of the movie, City of Angels. The premise is endearing, but flawed. How romantic to think a heavenly being would be so passionately in love, he would give up his angel status and become human. On more than one occasion Hollywood has implied this world is far better than the next, and all life would choose to be human.

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

Finally, after 30 plus, and almost another 30 plus years, I  know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a Kingdom Person. 

Richard Rohr in today's daily meditation from describes a  Kingdom Person  as a surrendered, trustful person who has given control to Another, which paradoxically allows them to calmly be in control. This gives them the ability, and freedom, to do what they need to do with joy. This behavior encompasses the "best of the conservative and the best of the progressive types." (For more go to: The Center for Action and Contemplation )

I want to be like that, to live in peace, trusting God in every situation, not necessarily physically happy, but joyful in spirit. As St. Paul so eloquently stated in his epistles, what others find as gain, he considered loss. He suffered incredible physical suffering, eventually dying as a martyr, but in his eyes he gained everything. 

For too much of my life, I have been concerned with external beauty,obsessing about numbers on the scale, and the size of clothes I wore, how many of the newest gadgets I possessed, and  how much financial security I acquired. 

Granted, I need to follow healthy practices, taking care of this earthy body God gave me to use, and it isn't a sin to have possessions or some savings, but they should not be my life's focus. Our society bombards our senses with its models of  beauty and security and it is a constant battle not to be sucked in, relinquishing what I know to be better truths. 

By becoming a Kingdom Person my focus changes from physical comfort to matters of the heart, giving control to Another and  finally gaining the peace and joy St. Paul exhibited even in the worst circumstances, and I finally understand what I want to be when I grow up. 

The Divine Embrace

In honor of this holy day, I have re-edited and re-posted this.

It happened on Palm Sunday.

One moment I was listening to the sermon, the next I was standing in a white void. I was not alone. Jesus was there. He opened His arms and beckoned me. I ran to Him and was enfolded into a tight embrace, my cheek pressed against His chest.

He was not spirit. He was flesh and bone. I could feel muscle, feel the strength in His arms as they held me closer. Surprisingly, His white garment wasn’t smooth, soft, as I expected. It was  coarse, like burlap, and I could feel the cloth pressing into the flesh of my cheek.  

The thought was fleeting, overpowered by a joy unlike anything I had ever experienced. I wanted nothing, needed nothing. There was no sorrow. No tears. No pain or anguish. The World didn't exist, only Him, only the ecstasy of being in His embrace. There are no words in our earthly language to describe what I felt and saw. This feeble attempt falls far short of the experience.

Unbidden and unwelcome, my past transgressions paraded against my closed eyelids. I wasn’t worthy of His embrace. How dare I touch Him? I drew back, my head hanging in shame.  

Gently, He urged me to look up. His eyes held no accusations, only unconditional love. He loved me just as I was, flawed and imperfect. It didn't matter how many times I failed, only how hard I tried. It was the effort that mattered.

The Man of Sorrows directed my gaze to my left. A huge pit of white-hot flames roared beneath black, roiling smoke. I could feel the intense heat from where I stood.

“Marie, you must walk through the flames.”

“I can’t! The pain will be too great.”

“You must, not as a punishment for your sins, but as a natural part of your life. You will endure great pain.”

Fearfully obedient, I stepped into the inferno and braced for a horrific blast of heat. I felt none. His hand reached through the flames and grasped mine. As long as I held onto Him - my faith - the flames would never burn me and He would be waiting on the other side.

The next moment I was back in my pew. I touched my cheek. The impression of His garment remained on my skin. The aura of peace, ecstasy, still lingered.

From that moment, He was with me in ways I had never experienced before. He was everywhere - in the smallest details of my life as well as the crises, the trials - the infernos. Granted, I felt a little heat now and then, but I was never burned. I set my eyes toward the other side, where He was waiting - for me