Unnecessary Desires

Photo by My Life Journal on Unsplash

It is not a coincidence that my yearly health visit with my doctor happened at the start of Lent. This seems to be a pattern the last three years for some physical, mental, and spiritual housecleaning.

During Lent of 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, a period of major body and mental reconstruction. February 2019 my father passed away, leaving our mother in my sister’s and my care. More massive life changes and interior house cleaning. This year, my perpetual fight against age-related weight gain is the physical focus, with a corresponding change in my mental attitude toward diet and other bad habits.

Everywhere I look there are references to fasting. My devotions included this quote from the Book of Esther, “… she humbled her body with fasts.”

In the past, I looked at my diet as a method of weight control, never as a method of humbling myself before God.

If I had any further doubts, my devotions included this quote from spiritualist Dorothy Day. “We all have these habits, the youngest and the oldest. And we have to die to ourselves in order to live, we have to put off the old man and put on Christ. That it is so hard, that it arouses so much opposition, serves to show what an accumulation there is in all of us of unnecessary desires.”

Fasting serves many purposes. Denying the flesh of the most basic of all needs, is the start to learning self-denial, cleaning out the body and the soul, preparing it to be filled with the holy spirit.

Fasting doesn’t mean going without food for an entire day, but limiting my intake to one meal and two smaller meals, which added together would not exceed the main meal in quantity. Also, eliminating foods with no dietary value other than taste, eaten only for the pleasure. Sounds like a good way to cut calories, doesn’t it?

Other habits besides food indulgences keep me from coming closer to God. The lure of digital devices can eat up my time, leaving no room for prayer or meditation. The desire to judge others, control another’s behavior, to mete out justice according to my ideas, even the desire to end all suffering are in the same category. God sees into others’ hearts and knows what is best for them. Suffering is often necessary to turn a heart from stone to one of compassion, to open a soul to trust God and nothing else.

It is difficult to give God complete control of our lives, our loved ones, even the world. We fall for Satan’s lie that struggle and worry are signs of our compassion for others. We confuse those with concern.

I embrace this season of fasting, meditation, and prayer, recognizing that doesn’t mean discarding everything forever. Food, entertainment, relationships, thoughts, desires, and possessions have a purpose. Nothing of itself, except the human heart, is evil. It is how we use them that determines their value.

Dear Lord, give me the grace and fortitude to use your gifts for good and not only for pleasure. Amen.

In Control or Trapped?

I tend to rehash my mistakes and situations in a vain attempt to change the results. I question whether I should have spoken up or remained quiet. If I reacted sooner could I have prevented the disaster? On and on my thoughts whirl, replaying each moment.

This game is an illusion, believing I can change a situation by altering my behavior. Sometimes that’s true, if it is my rash actions or words that caused the problem. In other circumstances this is not true. 

Pain Is Gain

Stretching. Aerobics. Resistance training. Yard work. I did not realize how much those activities would hurt or how much I’d gain afterward.

The first day of a new, or increased activity, the pain is almost intolerable. Sleeping is difficult. No position is comfortable despite the Tylenol I load up on before going to bed.

However…

The next morning, the pain is gone. I notice more flexibility, range of motion, and strength. The difference is astounding from one day to the next.

I am also lucky, no sign of lymphedema. As my surgeon said, if I haven’t gotten it by now, I probably won’t.

Everything worth having in this life will cost us something, and the harder or more painful the task, the more valuable the reward.

My devotions repeatedly mentioned how suffering and sorrow lead to a stronger faith and deeper compassion for others. I understand that better now since my diagnosis and surgery. I no longer see pain as the enemy.

This perception has changed everything. I worry less about suffering and no longer fear the future.

God can indeed turn all things toward good for those who love Him.

Closed Hearts

Although  I have encountered some who seem to flit through life without a scratch, their worst experiences being small inconveniences and annoyances (compared to financial crises, health issues, and the deaths of loved ones), most of us have been in that dark place Saint John of the Cross called, the black night of the soul, at least once, if not more.

A dear friend wrote about this condition in her new novella, Ice Melts in Spring (soon to be released). I won’t give away any spoilers, but will say only this, Linda Yezak hit the essence of these dark moments right in the heart, literally.  Her heroine doesn’t see God’s hand in her suffering because anger and bitterness have closed her heart to His presence.  She is spiritually blind. The key to opening her heart? Forgiveness.

The author describes the moment God lifted those burdens from her character, nailing the weightlessness and the joy.

My heart goes out to all those with closed hearts. May they see God's hand in every aspect of their lives, especially the painful and confusing times when life seems unbearable, and their first inclination is to end the pain in whatever way they can.

Lord, please comfort them, give them joy, and most importantly, hope.  Hope for a better tomorrow and a jubilant eternity to come.  Amen.

Why Would a Christian Write Dark Stories?

The answer is simple. Dark things happen to good people, and God isn’t as concerned about our earthly happiness as he is about the state of our soul. 

We can’t ignore suffering. We can try to avoid pain and discomfort, but those closest to God know suffering is part of our faith journey. 

 

While I am not in the same league as God’s great spiritual warriors, I have been in pits of fire and on spiritual mountaintops. I have taken these personal experiences and spun them with a little fiction with the hope of to illustrating that God never leaves us alone or without hope, as long as we cling to our faith.

One reader recently told me this: “Your characters’ faith strengthened mine and helped me face my own challenges.” 

Those words are what every writer lives to hear. 

And so, this is how a happy, non-violent Christian can bear to write dark novels. It’s really about sharing miracles, faith, and hope in the midst of the most supreme trials. Having done this in the first three books of the Lions and Lamb series, I am branching out. My soon to be released novel, Without Strings, is much lighter in tone, with faith still being its core value. 

There will be a fourth book in the Lions and Lambs series titled, Of Lions, Beasts, and Lambs, and possibly a sequel to Without Strings. After that? I don’t have a clue, but God has always guided my writing. I am sure he has more plans for my writing, and if my previous experiences are any indication, he will let me know without any uncertainty. This next time, I intend to respond quickly, and avoid his not so gentle persuasions... (See: Lions, Why I Write )

Searching

 He sees my heartache.

He sees my pain.

He sees my sorrow.

He sees my misconstrued good intention.

He sees my secret desire.

He sees my longing.

He sees. He understands. He cares.

 

 He sends comfort during moments of grief.

He sends encouragement when my resolve weakens.

He sends opportunities to fulfill my desires and longings.

He heals my pain.

He loves. He instructs. He guides.

He calls me.

He draws close.

He lifts me.

He holds me.

“Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” Jesus asks Mary Magdalene in John 20:15.

I weep for departed loved ones. I weep for the sick. I weep for the suffering. I weep for the persecuted. I weep for my country. I weep for this world. I weep for my sins. I am looking for you, Lord. 

“Ask, and it shall be given to you: seek, and you shall find: knock, and it shall be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

Amen.