On the Other Side of Pain

I’ve come a long way from my first surgery, and I can’t say I relish the next one. Giving up my current flexibility and comfort isn’t easy, but I am looking beyond that to a full recovery and a healthy, cancer free life.

In my devotion, Living Faith, Kristin Armstrong wrote: “‘What you focus on expands.’ When we focus on our suffering, misery grows. When we focus on abundance, on faith, on God’s ability to heal and redeem, hope grows. We can change our vision to include the parameters of what is unseen and remember that suffering always produces something valuable on the other side of pain.”

Suffering is never for nothing. It changes us, deepens our faith and trust, teaches us a depth of compassion for others we would not have otherwise. There is always something beautiful on the other side of pain.

Pain Is Gain

Stretching. Aerobics. Resistance training. Yard work. I did not realize how much those activities would hurt or how much I’d gain afterward.

The first day of a new, or increased activity, the pain is almost intolerable. Sleeping is difficult. No position is comfortable despite the Tylenol I load up on before going to bed.

However…

The next morning, the pain is gone. I notice more flexibility, range of motion, and strength. The difference is astounding from one day to the next.

I am also lucky, no sign of lymphedema. As my surgeon said, if I haven’t gotten it by now, I probably won’t.

Everything worth having in this life will cost us something, and the harder or more painful the task, the more valuable the reward.

My devotions repeatedly mentioned how suffering and sorrow lead to a stronger faith and deeper compassion for others. I understand that better now since my diagnosis and surgery. I no longer see pain as the enemy.

This perception has changed everything. I worry less about suffering and no longer fear the future.

God can indeed turn all things toward good for those who love Him.

After Thirty Days — What Matters Most?

One month since my surgery. What is at the top of my priority list? Comfort.

Oh, to feel comfortable again.

My swim in the waters of continuous pain these last thirty days have given me a whole new appreciation for the pain free days of the past and empathy for those dealing with chronic pain. However, I am fortunate. My discomfort is easing every day and should end once my mastectomy reconstruction is completed (in five or six months).

With restricted activities, I evaluate everything according to my doctors’ guidelines and what my body deems comfortable.

Patience is my current mantra. It’s not as hard as it used to be. My body lets me know how much I can do with loud, insistent messages I can’t ignore.

Expert say it takes thirty days to change habits. Will my priorities remain the same after my full recovery, or will I revert to old ways?

I may slip now and then, but my scars and other body changes will be constant reminders of what matters most — life and my relationship with God and others.

As I add in other activities, it will be important to ask if it’s worth my time and energy. If it doesn’t enhance my life, or another’s, then it doesn’t belong on my list.

What about you? What guidelines determine where and how you spend your time and energy?

Closed Hearts

Although  I have encountered some who seem to flit through life without a scratch, their worst experiences being small inconveniences and annoyances (compared to financial crises, health issues, and the deaths of loved ones), most of us have been in that dark place Saint John of the Cross called, the black night of the soul, at least once, if not more.

A dear friend wrote about this condition in her new novella, Ice Melts in Spring (soon to be released). I won’t give away any spoilers, but will say only this, Linda Yezak hit the essence of these dark moments right in the heart, literally.  Her heroine doesn’t see God’s hand in her suffering because anger and bitterness have closed her heart to His presence.  She is spiritually blind. The key to opening her heart? Forgiveness.

The author describes the moment God lifted those burdens from her character, nailing the weightlessness and the joy.

My heart goes out to all those with closed hearts. May they see God's hand in every aspect of their lives, especially the painful and confusing times when life seems unbearable, and their first inclination is to end the pain in whatever way they can.

Lord, please comfort them, give them joy, and most importantly, hope.  Hope for a better tomorrow and a jubilant eternity to come.  Amen.

Healing

 “We each carry a certain amount of pain from our very birth. If that pain is not healed and transformed, it actually increases as we grow older, and we transmit it to people around us. We can become violent in our attitudes, gestures, words, and actions. “ Richard Rohr from, The Inner Witness.

This statement makes sense, and it is the reason why it is so important to forgive those who hurt us, not so much for their benefit as for our own. After enduring seven years of abuse from my ex-husband, I often reacted with anger when I felt threatened, natural under the circumstances, but certainly not healthy.

Through numerous counseling sessions, I worked through the pain, the fear, and the anger. Then, my counselor dropped a bomb. Forgiving was the next step. I tried, struggling on my own until God showed me how in a vision. He transposed His face over my ex-husband. Immediately, my anger dissipated. I felt weightless and joyful. Colors seemed brighter, no longer tinged with the grey of depression or inflamed with anger. 

Forgiving didn’t mean forgetting, or staying in the abusive relationship, it meant not hating him, not holding the pain in my heart and projecting it onto others. 

Richard Rhor’s statement explains the trend in our society to be judgmental and hateful to anyone we disagree with. If we already carry pain inside, and life adds more, then we become overburdened and lash out.

We can’t fix others, but by healing our pain, altering our reactions to the violent attacks of others, not replying in kind, or nursing resentment, we can make a difference. The ripple effect would encapsulate our families, our workplaces, our communities and eventually spread out to cover the entire world. We would have the tools to practice the soft prophecy I wrote about in a previous post.

Gandhi proved none violence can make huge changes, if enough people practice it. But it is so hard to not reply with anger when attacked, especially if that attack is not justified. The angry comments on a social site, the rude driver, the ill-mannered woman in the checkout line, try our patience. Even though we may not openly react, we often seethe for hours, sometimes days after the event. It festers, limiting our tolerance in other situations. If we add in major crises and trauma, our tolerance collapses. 

If we follow the example in my vision, seeing God in everyone, perhaps we can be more compassionate. It would be a start. After all, Jesus initially called only twelve disciples, and through their faith, they changed the world.

Why Would a Christian Write Dark Stories?

The answer is simple. Dark things happen to good people, and God isn’t as concerned about our earthly happiness as he is about the state of our soul. 

We can’t ignore suffering. We can try to avoid pain and discomfort, but those closest to God know suffering is part of our faith journey. 

 

While I am not in the same league as God’s great spiritual warriors, I have been in pits of fire and on spiritual mountaintops. I have taken these personal experiences and spun them with a little fiction with the hope of to illustrating that God never leaves us alone or without hope, as long as we cling to our faith.

One reader recently told me this: “Your characters’ faith strengthened mine and helped me face my own challenges.” 

Those words are what every writer lives to hear. 

And so, this is how a happy, non-violent Christian can bear to write dark novels. It’s really about sharing miracles, faith, and hope in the midst of the most supreme trials. Having done this in the first three books of the Lions and Lamb series, I am branching out. My soon to be released novel, Without Strings, is much lighter in tone, with faith still being its core value. 

There will be a fourth book in the Lions and Lambs series titled, Of Lions, Beasts, and Lambs, and possibly a sequel to Without Strings. After that? I don’t have a clue, but God has always guided my writing. I am sure he has more plans for my writing, and if my previous experiences are any indication, he will let me know without any uncertainty. This next time, I intend to respond quickly, and avoid his not so gentle persuasions... (See: Lions, Why I Write )

Searching

 He sees my heartache.

He sees my pain.

He sees my sorrow.

He sees my misconstrued good intention.

He sees my secret desire.

He sees my longing.

He sees. He understands. He cares.

 

 He sends comfort during moments of grief.

He sends encouragement when my resolve weakens.

He sends opportunities to fulfill my desires and longings.

He heals my pain.

He loves. He instructs. He guides.

He calls me.

He draws close.

He lifts me.

He holds me.

“Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” Jesus asks Mary Magdalene in John 20:15.

I weep for departed loved ones. I weep for the sick. I weep for the suffering. I weep for the persecuted. I weep for my country. I weep for this world. I weep for my sins. I am looking for you, Lord. 

“Ask, and it shall be given to you: seek, and you shall find: knock, and it shall be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

Amen.