Unnecessary Desires

Photo by My Life Journal on Unsplash

It is not a coincidence that my yearly health visit with my doctor happened at the start of Lent. This seems to be a pattern the last three years for some physical, mental, and spiritual housecleaning.

During Lent of 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, a period of major body and mental reconstruction. February 2019 my father passed away, leaving our mother in my sister’s and my care. More massive life changes and interior house cleaning. This year, my perpetual fight against age-related weight gain is the physical focus, with a corresponding change in my mental attitude toward diet and other bad habits.

Everywhere I look there are references to fasting. My devotions included this quote from the Book of Esther, “… she humbled her body with fasts.”

In the past, I looked at my diet as a method of weight control, never as a method of humbling myself before God.

If I had any further doubts, my devotions included this quote from spiritualist Dorothy Day. “We all have these habits, the youngest and the oldest. And we have to die to ourselves in order to live, we have to put off the old man and put on Christ. That it is so hard, that it arouses so much opposition, serves to show what an accumulation there is in all of us of unnecessary desires.”

Fasting serves many purposes. Denying the flesh of the most basic of all needs, is the start to learning self-denial, cleaning out the body and the soul, preparing it to be filled with the holy spirit.

Fasting doesn’t mean going without food for an entire day, but limiting my intake to one meal and two smaller meals, which added together would not exceed the main meal in quantity. Also, eliminating foods with no dietary value other than taste, eaten only for the pleasure. Sounds like a good way to cut calories, doesn’t it?

Other habits besides food indulgences keep me from coming closer to God. The lure of digital devices can eat up my time, leaving no room for prayer or meditation. The desire to judge others, control another’s behavior, to mete out justice according to my ideas, even the desire to end all suffering are in the same category. God sees into others’ hearts and knows what is best for them. Suffering is often necessary to turn a heart from stone to one of compassion, to open a soul to trust God and nothing else.

It is difficult to give God complete control of our lives, our loved ones, even the world. We fall for Satan’s lie that struggle and worry are signs of our compassion for others. We confuse those with concern.

I embrace this season of fasting, meditation, and prayer, recognizing that doesn’t mean discarding everything forever. Food, entertainment, relationships, thoughts, desires, and possessions have a purpose. Nothing of itself, except the human heart, is evil. It is how we use them that determines their value.

Dear Lord, give me the grace and fortitude to use your gifts for good and not only for pleasure. Amen.

Eight Weeks — New Challenges and Blessings

In my last post I talked about priorities and how mine changed after surgery. Comfort has been at the top of that list, and now that I have healed from the surgery, my surgeon has given me the green light to begin normal activities. Not as easy as it sounds.

Most of the discomfort at this stage of recuperation is from tightened and shortened muscles. Unused muscles are painful. Trust me on that one.

The American Cancer Website for mastectomy patients has a list of exercises to regain flexibility, specialized exercises designed to help regain a full range of motion and prevent permanent muscle damage. I can't say I was looking forward to moving that much. I have to, and I will, but at this stage showering and dressing are still painful activities.

However, an article I read recently gave me additional motivation. A study found a link between the lack of muscle mass and high body fat with a higher risk of death in breast cancer survivors. That announcement gives me increased motivation to exercise. The article said good muscle tone is even more important than BMI (Body Mass Index).

At my age, loss of muscle and increased fat deposits are an issue anyway. Coupled with eight weeks of limited activity, I am facing difficult challenges. However, as we know, all journeys begin with the first small step, then another and another. First, regain my flexibility, add in resistance training with weights, make healthy dietary changes (restrict sugar and carbs, add in more lean protein, fruit, and vegetables), and get some heart pumping aerobics, walking and/or the stair stepper.

To my surprise, my comfort level soared after the first set of stretches and continues to increase with each session. Add in our beautiful spring weather, and I am now looking forward to the increased activity.

I am not overwhelmed with this new set of challenges. Besides the physical benefits from the exercises and diet, I am richly blessed with God’s abundant love and compassion displayed through the support of my doctors, my husband, my family, and friends.

A few days ago, He even sent a rainbow.

Yes, I am blessed, far more than I deserve.

A New Year's Prayer

Lord, lead me to toward a healthier lifestyle with diet and exercise.

Lord, lead me to write the books you inspire.

Lord, lead me in prayer for our world, our country, for all in desperate need of your help, and especially for those with whom I disagree.

Lord, lead me to acts of kindness toward all your creation without pausing to judge who is worthy and who is not.

Lord, lead me closer to you.

Amen.

Oh Discipline, Where Art Thou?

It’s 5:44 in the morning. It’s still night outside. The stars are bright. The moon has gone to bed. My husband and Scout are still sleeping. The fireplace is lit. The coffee brewed and my devotions read. I'm now making plans for the day, once again vowing to be more disciplined in my diet, exercise, and other personal choices.

Will it be like yesterday, a day filled with good intentions partially fulfilled? My plan of using diet "money" has helped, some. I managed to stay within my calorie count until several hours after dinner. Then a gnawing, empty feeling struck, demanding I eat something before bed.

Where did that come from? I never used to snack after dinner.

The experts say it takes thirty days to implement a life change. So far, I haven’t made three days. However, I did better yesterday than the day before, so maybe today will be better than yesterday. It won't get any better if I give up, so I must renew my resolve every single day, or every hour if I must. 

I am not alone in my struggles. My devotions today quoted St. Paul. “For the good which I will, I do not; but the evil which I will not, that I do.” Romans 7:19.

Perhaps today I will do more good than evil, to both my body and my soul. After all, miracles do happen.

That Four-Letter Word: D. I. E. T.

Yeah. That word. I’ve played with it all my life. I used to be good at it, and I was slim — and young. Those two go together. Because, let’s face it, we older folks are at a disadvantage when it comes to losing weight and keeping it off.

After being very slim, (okay, skinny) for most of my life, this post-menopausal weight gain has devastated my self-esteem (all right, ego.) I always felt a bit superior for being, and staying, so slim. I think part of my weight gain was God shaking a finger at me. I now have far more empathy for others in this war on weight, and a much healthier idea of what constitutes the right body weight.

I always thought I was fat, even when my ribs were showing. No, I wasn’t anorexic, but every time I gained a little weight, I’d get sick, and I’d lose ten pounds in one week. Yeah, I kinda miss the ability to lose like that, but I don’t miss feeling ill most of the time. Obviously being slim does not mean being healthy.