The Odd Girl

Although it’s only been a month since my implant surgery, I am impressed how natural it feels and how quickly the scars have faded. The Franken-Breast is gone, replaced by the Odd Girl. Although she is no longer a twin to the other gal, she has enough of a family resemblance most people will never know the difference. I can live with that.

On a comfort level, the muscle tightens if I move my arm the wrong way, and I am still restricted to only lifting five pounds with that arm and no pulling or pushing. That means no vacuuming, mopping, raking, or two-handed scrubbing. (Oh darn.) That will change at the six-week mark when my surgeon releases me from both the restrictions and his care. 

Month Three—Almost There

No wonder my surgeon waits two months from the last saline fill before performing the next surgery. It’s day five, and I’m still tender from the muscle spasms, and the rock on my chest has grown to a boulder. My surgeon assures me this will subside as my muscles and tissues expand.

I take hope and strength knowing I am almost done. Only the surgery to remove the expander and place the prosthetic is left, besides the last six weeks of recovery.

This experience has broadened my view on many things. The number of other women I have encountered who have, or had, breast cancer and undergone mastectomies and reconstruction is much larger than I comprehended. According to my oncologist, one out of eight women are diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. No wonder I know so many, including myself.

Even without dealing with cancer in one of its many forms, few of us escape this life unscarred or unscathed in some way. How well we adapt depends on many factors. For me, faith is at the top of the list. Prayer has seen me through this difficult time and my preceding trials. Attitude comes next. Anger, although natural, can adversely affect healing and places extra strain on our mental stamina. Denial can be dangerous, causing us to neglect to act promptly. With cancer, time is not our friend. I found acceptance and trust to be the most powerful attributes of my faith in any situation.

With my recovery and reconstruction almost complete, I thank God for every pain free day.
Something I will never again take for granted. Another thing I will not take for granted is time. I have slowed down my usual hectic pace and enjoy His gifts more fully, no longer rushing my prayers or my devotions. After prayer, I place time spent with my husband, parents, children, and friends at the top of my To Do list. My plans to develop and use my talents are still in place, but not at the forced, frenzied pace I’ve used in the past.

Life can change with my next breath, and none of us know our expiration date. It is a shame to waste a single moment not loving, praying, smiling, laughing, and being thankful.

The Simple Things

Unless something, like a surgery, upsets our daily routine, we don’t realize how many things we take for granted, like reaching for a shelf above our heads, bending down to pick something up from the floor, or pushing a grocery cart.

Exercise has improved my mobility, but the expander complicates some movements. It’s rigid and I can feel it move against my chest muscle despite the sutures stabilizing it. This is not painful per se, but not comfortable either.

The good news, the prosthetic will replace it in about two months. (Two more saline fills and a six month wait period before that surgery.) The implant will allow a more natural movement, but it will never be the same as biological tissue. I still prefer it to a flat space and a large scar.

Even if movement isn’t always comfortable, there are many who would trade places, restricted movement better than none. Something I need to remember whenever I’m frustrated. It could be so much worse.

I often think of St. Paul and the sufferings he encountered. He remained hopeful and cheerful despite appalling circumstances.

“None of these things move me.” Acts 20:24.

Someday, I hope I can say the same.

Eight Weeks — New Challenges and Blessings

In my last post I talked about priorities and how mine changed after surgery. Comfort has been at the top of that list, and now that I have healed from the surgery, my surgeon has given me the green light to begin normal activities. Not as easy as it sounds.

Most of the discomfort at this stage of recuperation is from tightened and shortened muscles. Unused muscles are painful. Trust me on that one.

The American Cancer Website for mastectomy patients has a list of exercises to regain flexibility, specialized exercises designed to help regain a full range of motion and prevent permanent muscle damage. I can't say I was looking forward to moving that much. I have to, and I will, but at this stage showering and dressing are still painful activities.

However, an article I read recently gave me additional motivation. A study found a link between the lack of muscle mass and high body fat with a higher risk of death in breast cancer survivors. That announcement gives me increased motivation to exercise. The article said good muscle tone is even more important than BMI (Body Mass Index).

At my age, loss of muscle and increased fat deposits are an issue anyway. Coupled with eight weeks of limited activity, I am facing difficult challenges. However, as we know, all journeys begin with the first small step, then another and another. First, regain my flexibility, add in resistance training with weights, make healthy dietary changes (restrict sugar and carbs, add in more lean protein, fruit, and vegetables), and get some heart pumping aerobics, walking and/or the stair stepper.

To my surprise, my comfort level soared after the first set of stretches and continues to increase with each session. Add in our beautiful spring weather, and I am now looking forward to the increased activity.

I am not overwhelmed with this new set of challenges. Besides the physical benefits from the exercises and diet, I am richly blessed with God’s abundant love and compassion displayed through the support of my doctors, my husband, my family, and friends.

A few days ago, He even sent a rainbow.

Yes, I am blessed, far more than I deserve.

After Thirty Days — What Matters Most?

One month since my surgery. What is at the top of my priority list? Comfort.

Oh, to feel comfortable again.

My swim in the waters of continuous pain these last thirty days have given me a whole new appreciation for the pain free days of the past and empathy for those dealing with chronic pain. However, I am fortunate. My discomfort is easing every day and should end once my mastectomy reconstruction is completed (in five or six months).

With restricted activities, I evaluate everything according to my doctors’ guidelines and what my body deems comfortable.

Patience is my current mantra. It’s not as hard as it used to be. My body lets me know how much I can do with loud, insistent messages I can’t ignore.

Expert say it takes thirty days to change habits. Will my priorities remain the same after my full recovery, or will I revert to old ways?

I may slip now and then, but my scars and other body changes will be constant reminders of what matters most — life and my relationship with God and others.

As I add in other activities, it will be important to ask if it’s worth my time and energy. If it doesn’t enhance my life, or another’s, then it doesn’t belong on my list.

What about you? What guidelines determine where and how you spend your time and energy?