Believing Changes Everything

My life changed after my vision of Jesus and the pit of fire (See: The Divine Embrace). From that moment I saw God in every circumstance, in every sorrow. 

I asked to be His witness and my life fell apart. Family crisis, deaths, financial disasters, and health issues hit one after another.

   

I remembered His words from my vision. I would walk through an inferno as a natural part of my life, I would endure great sorrow, but if I held onto Him, my faith, the flames would never burn me.

While I struggled to hold on to my faith, He sent rainbows in many forms prior to miraculous healings. He sent lilies reminding me not to be anxious about clothing, feeding, or sheltering my family and myself. Only days after their appearance, a miracle saved me from financial disaster. Scriptural promises appeared when I needed encouragement, consolation and promises of better tomorrows.

He brought me through all of it and I am stronger, more trusting, and I hope more compassionate toward others.

He granted me miracles because I believed.

Thank you, Lord, for all of your bountiful gifts, for walking with me in the flames, and most of all for your mercy and compassion for all of my mistakes and misjudgments. Amen. 

The Good Things of the Lord

Original Photo by Author

Bird song woke me before sunrise. It sounded like hundreds of birds in the tree outside my window. I slipped out of bed and peered out the blinds. Pale light illuminated three deer grazing on berries beneath the Hawthorn tree. Coyotes yipped further down the canyon. Cows called calves from the pasture below us. 

With all the noise, I'd never go back to sleep. I dressed quietly and snuck out of the bedroom. 

I let Cooper out the backdoor. Deer exploded in a blur of white tails and tawny backs. Birds drowned out the roar of the two creeks. No wonder they woke me.

An owl hooted from the grove of poplar trees to the west. Another answered.

It rained last night. The wet ground, sage, and pine trees scented the air with a tangy fragrance I could almost taste.

After several laps around the property, I called Cooper in, made coffee, lit a fire in the fireplace, and settled into my chair with my devotions and my bible. Over the last week my readings included the book of Daniel Chapter 3: Sidrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Fitting considering the current state of the world.

For the last few days, when I paged from the first readings, either Isaiah or Jeremiah, to the Psalms, my bible fell open to Tobias 5:13. “… Be of good courage, thy cure from God is at hand.” I pray that is so considering our current war against the virus.

But God’s encouragement didn’t stop there. Psalm 27:1-3, 13-14 was also listed in my readings for today.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life: of whom shall I be afraid? I believe to see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living. Expect the Lord, do manfully, and let thy heart take courage, and wait for the Lord.”

Do manfully: follow the guidelines of our health care professionals. Take courage: this will pass. Wait for the Lord: He never arrives too late.

We are seeing the good things in the land of the living now: the people flocking to assist, to help, to pray. Survivors, and there are many. Sunrises. Bird song. Rain. Sunshine. Rainbows.

Thank you, Lord.

Something's Coming...

Rainbows are showing up in my news feed on Facebook, in random photos on the internet, and near our house. 

God has used rainbows in the past to herald a miracle. Other times, they were attention grabbers, signaling an impending message. With no apparent need for a miracle, I surmise this time it is the latter.

I have jury duty this month, a dreaded month-long interruption to my happy retirement schedule. Although I don’t mind doing my civic duty,  a special court order has requested I appear Friday morning at a special judicial setting separate from the regular courts. Gulp.

What does a special court entail?

According to Duhaime's Law Dictionary:  “A special jury is a jury drawn to certain specifications given the alleged complexities of the matter to be tried.”

I can’t imagine what type of trial this could be and I am feeling a little apprehensive.

This morning my devotions listed Psalm 27:1,13-14.

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life: of whom shall I be afraid?… I believe to see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living. Expect the Lord, do manfully, and let thy heart take courage, and wait thou for the Lord.

The message: assurance I am not facing this new challenge alone. He may even give me the grace to be a cheerful giver, sealing my lips from grumbling about this interruption to my plans.

The Fourth Watch

Selling a home, buying a new one, and moving is a nightmare of huge proportions. No wonder it is the third most stressful life event. If I had more faith, the process would not be so heart wrenching, but like Peter walking on water, I looked at my circumstances, doubted and sank beneath the turbulence of documents and time restrictions.

I failed to trust God.

He gave me a promise the first time I stood in the new house.  He swathed in a blanket of warmth and I heard the word, home. We would live in the house for the rest of our lives. Whatever challenges lay ahead were only bumps along the way. All I had to do was trust.

I was like Peter starting out strong, then succumbing to fear. Then, during the fourth watch of the loan process, Matthew 14:22-23 was listed among my devotions. Yes, the story of Peter walking toward Jesus on a stormy sea.

Jesus’ words echoed in my heart. “Oh, you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

In my weakness, I let circumstances overrule my faith.

However, I never stopped clinging, praying, and begging for strength.

We are now in the final phase. In less than a week, it will all be over.

I would like to say I will never doubt God’s word again, but I will. My human frailty will overcome my faith, and I’ll falter. However, there is no need to despair. God will pick me up, dust me off, and carry me the last few steps. Every. Single. Time.

Half Full or Half Empty?

Some think that the glass is not only half-full, but also filled with toxic water. Although I consider myself an optimist, I sometimes fall into that logic. This usually occurs after I’ve made a mistake, used wrong judgment, or made a mess of things in one way or the other. My co-workers, bless their hearts, remind me (in a kind way) that I am only human and I will make mistakes, not only at work but also in my personal life. Granted, I do need to own up to my failings and learn from them, but after that it is time to move forward.

However, I tend beat myself up for several hours, even days, depending on the seriousness of my mistake. This causes my blood sugar to plummet, which in turn affects my general health, which then adds to the negative thought pattern. This downhill spiral is hard to stop and serves no purpose after a short period of justified remorse and a fervent, “I’m sorry” when that is warranted.

The psychology behind this self-punishment isn’t hard to figure out. If I suffer enough, perhaps I can somehow atone for my error, lapse of judgement, or insensitivity. I fail to remember Isaiah 43:25: “I am, I am he that blots out thy iniquities for my own sake, and I will not remember thy sins.” Even if my fellow humans cannot forgive or forget, God will. God loves ― and forgives ― a contrite heart.

Searching for My Carmel-by-the-Sea

My husband wants to take me to Carmel-by-the-Sea on a future vacation. It sounds wonderful, with panoramic ocean views, quaint shops, fabulous restaurants, and elegant inns. Let’s say I liked the idea. It sounds like a place that would be hard to leave – until the money ran out.

The travel brochures describes it as a place of perfection, a place where everyone is polite and gracious, a place where the ugliness of the rest of the world doesn’t exist. That might be the true for tourists, but the residents deal with all the same problems the rest of us do. They just get to do it in a beautiful place.

We can chose to make our lives more beautiful, regardless of whether we live in a resort town or not, and the means to do this is free: the Serenity Prayer.

I have this recorded on a CD by Dr. Emmett Miller (Serenity Prayer) with a thirty-minute drive time meditation. What could be a better time to practice serenity than during my morning commute?

And Then Came a Lion

There have been a lot of references to lions in my devotions, once again. The most thought provoking was from 1 Samuel 17:34: And then came a lion.  When King David was just a boy tending his father's sheep, he fought off many wild animals, including a lion. David saw them as opportunities to trust God and either moved forward to meet the challenge or stood his ground, ready to defend, unlike myself. I am more inclined to run for the closest tree, even though I know it is useless. (I've seen pictures of lions in trees.)  

At this moment a major disaster is crouching, waiting for the opportunity to strike. My temp job is shaky. I do not have any form of health care, retirement benefits, or life insurance. I know it is useless to worry over something that might happen, and yet, my mind creates a myriad of what if scenarios. If I would only reflect back, I could recall numerous financial disasters diverted at the last moment, health issues mysteriously evaporating in spite of the doctors' prognosis, and more. Oh, so much more. But, my mind lists toward the negative rather than the positive and it takes a great deal of effort to reign in those scary images.


However, right now, at this exact moment, there are no disasters or crises, and I need to focus on that, ignoring what might be on the horizon. Storms (and lions) can change direction, or go away, never coming close. And, when the storm does strike (sometimes at the same time the lion charges) I need to remember God never changes. His promises never change, and He will give me the courage, the strength and the wisdom to find shelter in the storm, face my lion and defeat him.  For you, O Lord, singularly have settled me in hope. Psalm 4: 10

Plan B

As a former florist, I assisted with thousands of wedding plans. Three brides still I hold a special place in my heart.  

The first called the shop on a quiet mid-week afternoon.  The young woman asked if was possible to have a wedding bouquet in an hour.

"If you choose a simple style and flowers I currently have in stock, we can have one ready." I replied.

"Great. My friend will be down to pick it up and pay for it."

My staff and I quickly put a hand tied bouquet of red roses together, boxed it, and had it waiting at the counter.

The friend gushed over the bouquet. "It is perfect, exactly what she wanted. But, I see she didn't order a boutonniere for her groom. "

"That will only take a moment, if you don't mind waiting."

The woman agreed, and while we designed the arrangement, she told us the story behind the rushed wedding. The couple planned a large ceremony later in the summer, but her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few months ago and the disease spread rapidly. At the moment the doctors did not expect her to live more than a few more hours. The couple decided it was more important for her mother to witness their vows rather than to have an elaborate ceremony. The bride chose Plan B and arranged to have a quiet ceremony in the hospital room.

After hearing the story, I told the friend there would be no charge that day. The bouquets were my gift to the bride and groom. The next day the grateful bride called to thank me and inform me her mother had passed a way a few hours after the ceremony. Rather than leaving on a honeymoon, she and the family would be in to plan flowers for the funeral. I offered my condolences and prayers.

"It's okay," she said, "I got to share that special moment with my mother and I have no regrets. She is at peace and out of pain, and I am starting a new life as a wife. And, that's life."




The second story is similar. The couple I finished deciding all the details of the wedding except for the number of boutonnieres.

"We need five boutonnieres for groomsmen and one lady's boutonnier."

"Oh, I'll add that to the list of ladies corsages."

"No, I want it placed in with the men's."

I raised my eyebrows, but did as she asked.

"You see," she continued, "my husband's best friend was killed in a car wreck last week and his wife is standing in his place. She will wear a black dress matching the men's tuxes and she will hold the rings."

This bride also chose Plan B.

And then, the third, my daughter's wedding. Two big questions loomed in her plans. Her dad passed away several years earlier and would not be there to walk her down the aisle, or dance with her for the traditional Father and Daughter dance. She too chose Plan B. Her grandfather walked her down the aisle, and her older brother held the honor of dancing with her. The day was touched with a tinge of melancholy, especially when the memorial candles were lit and the sololist sang, I'll always be with you. The moment passed, and the minister announced the newly married couple to the congregation and the music shifted the light hearted recessional and my daughter and her husband exited the church, and began their new life. 

Even though these brides did not have the exact wedding they had dreamed of, and hoped for, they chose to be courageous move forward, rather than throwing up their arms and wallowing in sorrow and self pity. The pain was still there, but it did not hold them back.

As L.B. Cowman wrote in Streams in the Desert:

Weeping inconsolably beside a grave will never bring back the treasure of a lost love, nor can any blessing come from such sadness. Sorrow causes deep scars, and indelibly writes its story on the suffering heart. We never completely recover from our greatest griefs and are never exactly the same after having passed through them. Yet  sorrow that is endured in the right spirit impacts our growth favorably and brings us a greater sense of compassion for others.

I also witnessed a few young brides fly into a rage when the roses weren't the exact, perfect shade of ivory, or some other plan for their big day fell through. I worried about them. If they had such a difficult time letting go of Plan A and moving with grace to Plan B, how would they face true tragedy and sorrow? After all, life really is all about Plan B.

David and Goliath

It has been a rough week. The last of the moving chores left me physically exhausted, and software training at work drained me mentally. Between the two I felt I was dangling above a precipice, clinging to the ledge with finger nails. Then, several hours of testing with the new software loosened my grip to just one small finger. I looked down. There was no bottom to the abyss.

In desperation, I spent the entire evening studying, taking notes and devising a Quick Guide to the new software, and fell into bed drained, too tired to pray or think. Before sleep finally claimed me, I made a vow I would not be defeated. Someway, somehow I would master that program, and all of the other new tasks, and I would be proficient with all of them.
In the early, pre-dawn hours, I lay for a moment, going through a litany of things yet to do, yet to learn, and my resolve and determination wavered. I prayed, begging God to once more rescue me.

I rose, made coffee, and contemplated whether to start studying first, or read my devotions. After a moment's thought, I realized studying, as important as it was, could not be put before God. It was the wise choice. The first Scriptural reading listed in my devotional,  Living Faith, was from 1 Samuel: 17:32 - 51.  Drum Roll. It is the story of David and Goliath. Yep. You read that right. David and Goliath.

I laughed, re-read the story, and accepted the answer to my prayer. David recounted past triumphs where God had aided him, and then armed with confidence and faith in his Almighty God, he stepped forward to meet his enemy. We all know the rest of that story. 

Like David, I too can recount other times God assisted me in slaying my lions and  bears, and He will help me with my Goliaths too.

My last reading from, Streams in the Desert, speaks about faith versus defeat, and quotes Daniel 2:27, 29 - the three young Hebrew men saved from King Nebuchadnezzar's furnace. If there is a great trial in your life today, do not acknowledge defeat. Instead, continue by faith to claim the victory through Him who is able to make you "more than conquerors" (Rom. 8:37), and a glorious victory will soon be apparent. May we learn that in all the difficult places God takes us, He is giving us opportunities to exercise our faith in Him that will bring about blessed results and greatly glorify His name."

I step out this day, armed with faith and courage to face my lions, bears, and Goliaths. I can taste victory.