If I Hadn't ...

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If I hadn’t gone through years of domestic violence, a rough divorce, and buried two husbands, would I appreciate my current husband and happy marriage as much as I do?

If I hadn’t suffered several life-threatening illnesses, would I be as thankful for my present good health?

If I hadn’t struggled with years of financial difficulties, would I appreciate my current financial stability?

If I hadn’t worked at several stressful jobs, would I appreciate and enjoy my retirement as much?

Without God’s compassion and support, could I see the world as a wonderful place filled with miracles?

Rainbows come after a storm. Silence is more noticeable after loud noises. Joy is more recognizable after sorrow, health after illness, wealth after poverty.

Through these, God has taught me where true happiness lies — in the simple things: coffee at sunrise with my devotions, chatting with my husband, walking with Cooper in the early morning and at sunset, keeping in touch with friends and family, and the time and ability to pursue my passions.

I think of Israel Kaʻanoʻi Kamakawiwoʻole’s hit song, Somewhere Over the Rainbow. He combines Somewhere Over the Rainbow with What a Wonderful World, two of my favorite songs. They represent every blessing God has given me — the things most precious in this life.

As Melanie Rigny wrote in Living Faith, “What do you want to present when you face the Lord: a list of what you owed, or a list of whom you loved?”

I am included in that list. Have I forgiven myself as I have forgiven others? Have I cared for my needs? Have I allowed myself to rest?  Have I given myself permission to be happy?  

Thank you, Lord, for leading me through life's difficulties toward true happiness, which includes loving myself. My joy overflows and spreads out to others, enveloping them in the same love you give me. Amen.

And God Sent Rainbows….

Image by Albrecht Fietz @Pixabay

I mentioned in several earlier posts how rainbows have offered encouragement and hope whenever I have a health crisis. They popped up again this last week when I wrenched my hip. Unable to walk without horrendous pain, I called my doctor.

After an exam she concluded it was most likely bursitis. She gave me a steroid injection and sent me for x-rays to be sure there wasn’t anything amiss.

The x-ray showed an anomaly on my hip and she referred me to an orthopedic surgeon. Knowing bone cancer is often secondary to breast cancer, fear took up residence and refused to leave no matter how much I prayed and reminded myself my cancer had not metastasized. I had not needed chemo or radiation treatment, nor any follow up medications. I was in the clear, but the idea took root and wouldn’t go away.

Rainbows appeared on social media and Psalm 27, verses 1-2, 13-14 was listed in my devotions. “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? I believe to see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living. Expect the Lord, do manfully, and let thy heart take courage, and wait thou for the Lord.”

I latched onto the words, in the land of the living, and tried not to worry.

A friend recommended the book, Noah Primeval (Chronicles of the Nephilim Book 1), a fictionalized account of the story of Noah and the flood. References to rainbows once again.

The day of my appointment, Genesis 9:12-13 was listed among my readings. “And God said, this is the sign of the covenant which I give between me and you, and to every living soul that is with you, for perpetual generations. I will set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be the sign of the covenant between me and between the earth.”

Covenant. Promise.

God was reminding me of His promises.

I went to my appointment believing I’d hear good news.

After studying my x-ray and giving me a thorough exam, my surgeon felt my primary doctor was right. It was a strained or pulled muscles which would heal given time.

Still, in the back of my mind, I wondered about the abnormality on the x-ray was. My surgeon didn’t know what is was, but reiterated he wasn’t concerned. I am sure he has enough experience and knowledge to make that decision.

As if all that wasn’t enough, Psalm 23 was in my readings this morning.

I don’t deserve these beautiful signs of encouragement, but I am so very thankful God sends them anyway. But then, His love isn’t conditional.

Thank you, Lord, for your unconditional love and patience. Amen.

A Little Scare and the Worry Wagon

I thought I was done. No more tests, only routine doctor visits, but something felt wrong, off, not right, and I called my doctor. The first round of tests came back negative. The next step, a sonogram of my uterus.

After just completing treatment for breast cancer and reconstruction, my mind went immediately to “What if”, and I climbed onto the worry-wagon.

On the way back from my doctor’s office, we passed by cornfields, pumpkin patches, trees already turning color, and flowing creeks. After weeks of smoke, the sky was clear and a deep blue, dotted with fluffy clouds. Flocks of birds swirled and swayed against snow-capped peaks. I decided it was too beautiful of a day to spend under a dark cloud.

“Dear, Lord, if it is your will that I go through another illness, so be it. If it is cancer, so be it. My life is in your hands. I trust you, and I refuse to worry or be anxious, no matter the situation. Amen.”

I felt a sweet peace settle over me and I filled the wagon bed with flowers instead of weeds and thistles.

I opened today’s reading in my devotional, Good Morning, Lord. The title: Rainbows. These have popped up every time I’ve faced a serious illness, and in each instance they heralded a cure. Every time.

Joseph T. Sullivan wrote: “… If people say I’m naive because I see rainbows where they don’t, then so be it. Rainbows are beautiful, appearing after storms, golden opportunities to praise you. Thank you for the rainbows in my life. You express your love in many ways. Amen.”

And He does.

If I had any doubts, God added Psalm 37 to my devotions, verses: 3-6, 27-28, 39-40. Another message that has popped up in times of trouble.

“Trust in the Lord, and do good, and dwell in the land, and thou shalt be fed with its riches. Delight in the Lord, and he will give thee the requests of thy heart. Commit thy way to the lord, and trust in him, and he will do it… Decline from evil and do good, and dwell forever and ever. For the Lord loveth judgment, and will not forsake his saints: they shall be preserved forever… But the salvation of the just is from the Lord, and he is their protector in the time of trouble. And the Lord will help them and deliver them, and he will rescue them from the wicked, and save them, because they have hoped in him.”

Today is also the 7th of the month, another reminder of the promises God has given me in Psalms 27 and 37. 

Thank you, Lord, for loving me so much.

A Pause

Jesus often admonished His disciples for their lack of faith after witnessing so many miracles.  “How do you not yet understand about the lilies of the field, or feeding the five thousand with a few fish and loaves of bread?”

How do we not understand? Because we are weak and frail. The devil uses our weaknesses, stirring up doubts, telling us we are unworthy of God’s good gifts.  We are unworthy, but God still grants them because of His infinite love.  

Streams in the Desert: “Difficulties are sent to reveal what God can do in answer to faith that prays and works.”

Sometimes God sends difficulties not only to strengthen our faith, but also to encourage us to spend more time with Him in prayer for ourselves and for others. Prayer, with God’s intervention, can accomplish more than years of physical struggle. He asks us to pause in our headlong rush to accomplish to sit at His feet and learn.

“Your faith can level forests.” Streams in the Desert.

My upcoming surgery and recuperation period is an opportunity to deepen my prayer life and open myself to more meditation. Who knows what forests He and I can level?

“According to the multitude of my sorrows in my heart, thy comforts have given joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:19.

One thing I have learned, God’s light of hope, comfort, love, and compassion shines brightest in the dark places of our lives.