As Yourself

Original photo by the author 

On my last venture out for necessities, people pushed passed me with one, and sometimes two, overflowing carts. Empty shelves forced me to adjust my list to the barest needs. A few of my fellow shoppers were friendly. Others glared or wouldn’t look at me at all. It was easy to determine who my physical neighbors were, and who had come from out of the area. A fact an employee in our local Costco revealed. People were driving two hours or more to other areas to bypass the one-per- customer limit on high demand products.

I overheard one woman tell a friend, “I’m only buying what I need.” Her friend replied. “Not me, I’m buying more than I need.”

Shocked and angry, I glared at a woman in the parking lot with two carts overflowing with paper products. She even had the audacity to display a Christian symbol on the back of her car.

Other Christians proclaimed they would attend services regardless of the recommendation to keep all gatherings to less than ten. Never mind the health risk to themselves and others. God would protect them.

Where was the love for our neighbor?

In answer to this, I saw news reports about Angel Shoppers, college students shopping for the elderly. Another story told about police officers offering to go through drive-up windows and purchase food for truck drivers. I even heard of people donating hand sanitizers and toilet paper to those who had none.

Mrs. Rodgers was right. In a time of crisis, look for the helpers. They are always there, quietly helping others, living out their Christian faith.

In the words of St. Paul, “Put on, as the elect of God, holy, and beloved, the bowels of mercy, benignity, humility, modesty, patience. Bearing with one another, if any have a complaint against another: even as the Lord hath forgiven you, so do you also. But above all things have charity, which is the bond of perfection: And let the peace of Christ rejoice in your hearts, wherein also you are called in one body; and be thankful.” Colossians 3: 12-15.

I may not be hoarding, but my thoughts were not charitable toward others. What if the woman with the fish symbol on her car wasn’t hoarding but buying for the homebound?

After the chastisement came the encouragement.

As my son and I were talking about the radical changes in our lives, and how some changes may persist long after this crisis, a rainbow appeared outside my front window. No sun visible anywhere among the dark clouds, but still it shone, reminding me of God’s love, compassion, and promises.

A friend posted Psalm 27:14 on a social media site. “Expect the Lord, do manfully, and let thy heart take courage, and wait thou for the Lord.” Those simple words have carried me through many, many dark nights.

Another passage which offers encouragement during these uncertain times: “Consider the lilies…” Luke 12: 27. No amount of worry will change anything. If God can fill twelve baskets from a few fishes and loaves of bread, He can stretch half empty wallets and shelves too.  (See my post, Lillies, as an example of one of His miracles.)

My devotion, Good Morning, Lord, reminded me to become like a child, confident in God’s love, regardless of my circumstances.

Lord, thank you for your rainbows and lilies and give me faith to trust you in all things. Amen.

So, You Vowed to Be Happy No Matter What…

I swear God said, “So, you gave yourself permission to be happy regardless of your circumstances. Let’s see how sincere you are.”

Days after making that vow, my dad collapsed and was rushed to the hospital with either pneumonia or heart failure. At 90 years of age, this was not good news. Adding to the sense of panic, my mother has early stage dementia and could not stay home alone. With most of the family living hours away, a mad scramble ensued to get someone there quickly.

We went from Plan A to Plan ZZZ in a matter of hours. My daughter logged forty-three phone calls, beating me by three. My middle son bailed his job (with permission) and drove down to stay with my folks until my sister or I could relieve him.

I live in another state, eight hours by car or five hours by plane to the nearest airport, still a seventy-mile drive away. With the inclement weather a deciding factor, my frequent-flyer son booked me a flight.

Then God added another twist.

A few days before my scheduled flight, I rushed my husband to the ER with symptoms of a massive heart attack.

At that point, I conceded the battle and told God, “It’s all in your hands.”

Throughout the next few hours I bounced between my husband’s bedside and answering calls regarding my dad’s condition. Things eased when the doctors released my husband with a diagnosis of a serious, but treatable infection. He’d recover at home with rest and a regimen of two antibiotics. I delayed my flight.

Doctor’s released my dad from the hospital with the understanding he and my mother would either go home with family care or go directly into assisted living. With his health issues directly related to complications with his prostate cancer, none of us were capable of the 24-hour medical care he needed. We voted on an assisted living community close to my sister and by default closer for the rest of the family too.

With my husband recovering, I took a late flight and arrived the following afternoon at my parents’ home. We packed their essentials into a U-Haul trailer and endured a five-hour nightmare of packed snow, ice, and blizzard conditions to the assisted living community.

I helped my sister settle Mother and Father into their apartment and all seemed well until it was time to fly home. My first flight was delayed, causing me to miss my connecting flight, and resulted in another late-night arrival. Then, I woke up sick the next morning.

Can I truthfully say I was happy during all of this?

Joyful in the Lord is a better description, the joy that depends on God, not our circumstances, and that is enough. My blood pressure remained low, my blood sugar stayed stable, and my attitude remained positive.

I hope I have a grace period before the next set of challenges, but I give that to God too, more than happy to let Him sort it all out.

My Gethsemane

I knew with the same certainty of other premonitions that my mammogram would not be normal. I prayed, like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, asking that this cup pass from me. In response, I received a vision and a promise. I saw myself lying on the couch, smothered in blankets, recovering from treatments, assured I would be healed.  

Even with numerous scriptural and other assurances, I still begged for this trial pass from me.

God answered.

Sometimes small things interfered with my church attendance, devotions, and prayer time. God knew I could do better. This was my Jonah, calling me back to a deeper relationship, asking me to realign my priorities. Nothing like a crisis to drop you to your knees. This time, I vowed to stay there and not allow the cares of this world to distract me from what I knew I should do.

Also, our faith through severe trials can lead others to God. For example, my husband, who is standoffish with prayer and faith, confessed he has been praying. Who knows who else God might draw back to Him if I allow my faith to be an example.

This reminded me of a story.

A man walked through a field of wildflowers reveling in the beauty of the blue sky and the carpet of bright colors. He was so enthralled in the beauty he failed to notice a cliff and walked off the edge. Halfway down, he caught a protruding root. After assessing his situation, he realized he was too far from the top to climb up and too far from the bottom to let go.

He called for his friends to help. No one heard, and no one came.

In desperation, he called out to God. “Save me!”

God answered. “Do you love me?”

“Yes, Lord, with all my heart.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes, Lord, with my very life.”

“Then let go.”

That part always stopped my heart. Could I let go? My mind said it was a win-win. God could save me from falling, or if I fell to my death, I’d be in Paradise with Him. Yet, the thought of letting go still terrified me.  

However, remembering His many promises, I relinquished the struggle, opening my heart and mind to His will. 

My small Calvary, will accomplish many things if I approach it with faith and trust.  As St. Paul so eloquently stated, “And he said to me: My grace is sufficient for thee: for power is made perfect in infirmity. Gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may dwell in me. For which cause I please myself in my infirmities in reproaches in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am powerful.” 2 Corinthians 12: 10-12.