Sometimes I Envy Moses

Photo by Jeff Jacobs from Pixabay

God has answered my prayers many times, but rarely in the way I hoped or expected. He knows where the true blessings lie and asks that I dig a little deeper to see what he sees.

Those times I wish I could talk to him like Moses, face to face, and receive a direct answer back. Life would be so much simpler, wouldn’t it?

I often envy the Israelites too. Imagine seeing the miracles they experienced during the Exodus: the plagues, the parting of the Red Sea, water from a rock, manna. I want to think I’d never complain or doubt like they did, but is that true?

God has given me so many miracles and yet I still tend to worry with each crisis, wondering if God will rescue me this time.

As hard as it is, I must recognize that I am often just as stiff-necked as the Israelites in the desert, complaining and doubting when I don’t get the answers I want when I want them. 

But I must also remember these are the steppingstones God uses to lead me toward the fulfillment of his plan for my life, and regardless of where the path leads, what sorrows I will endure, I can be sure the path will also be filled with great joy.

It's Finally Happened

Photo by RitaE from Pixabay

This week I realized I can no longer remember when I last changed the sheets on the bed or descaled the coffee pot. I used to keep all that straight without writing having to write it down. Is it age related or the result of being retired and no longer adhering to any kind of schedule?

My self-control has gone the same way as my memory, particularly with my diet. In that regard I need accountability, so back to the old-fashioned food log. Experts say that is the most reliable way to watch the calories. I know they are right, but I didn’t want to bother. My last weigh-in tells me I’d better do something.

In some ways, this is the best time of my life, and yet other things have slipped. But I guess that’s life. It’s never perfect.

Armed with my check lists and food log I’ve gained some control. Keeping it simple ensures I’ll stick to it. I like the fact I no longer need to commit everything to memory and worry about forgetting something, but I miss the days when it was all automatic, with no effort involved.

I also miss being able to marathon house or yardwork and afterward do anything else I wanted. Now, I need to parcel out my tasks or deal with exhaustion and low blood sugar.

But since I’ll never see twenty again, or even sixty for that matter, I must adjust, adapt, and go on. That’s okay because I still have a life, one not complicated at the moment by anything other than a failing memory and a lack of self-control.

Could be much worse, and I’ve been there.

So, no complaints, just the hard admission that age is catching up, and I have no control over it, except how I react.

Dear Lord, thank you for giving me life, and help me come to terms with its flaws and challenges. Amen.

The Power of One

I’ve been on this merry-go-round many times, unable to come to terms with the needs of so many and my limited resources. I can’t seem to get passed the guilt of having so much while others have little, and yet what I have to share is barely a drop compared to the numbers of people needing help.

The old saying that charity begins at home means to start with my husband and family, and then spread out to others, but the number is so small. Is helping one person, or a few, enough?

As if in response to my question, this scripture verse flashed through my thoughts. “If a man has a hundred sheep, and one goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine in the mountains and seek that which has gone astray?” Matthew 18:12.

Photo by Pexels from Pixabay

There is my answer. If God cares for enough for one to leave the rest and search for one lost soul, then yes, even just one matters.

That thought spiraled to the story of the starfish.

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”

The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”

“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf.

Then, smiling at the man, he said, “I made a difference for that one.”

Original story by Loren Eisley

The devil wants me to be overwhelmed with the sheer number of needy souls, stymied into inaction. He doesn’t want me to know that although I may not help thousands of souls like Mother Teresa, I can make a difference — even if it is just one.  

Thank you, Lord, for showing me the power of one. 

Why Me and Not Others?

Original Photo by Cecilia Marie Pulliam

I am sitting on the front porch looking out over the canyon, listening to the creek and songbirds, quail and dove. The tangy scents of pine, sage and wet grass tinge the air. Sunlight and shadows dance among the trees and along the lawn. No human noise mars the peacefulness. I can stay for as long as my heart desires. There is no early morning commute or a long list of chores.

I’ve dreamed of this all my life.

But one thought clouds the moment. I don’t deserve it. Any of it.

Why me? Why has God given me visions and dreams, promising the last half of my life would be better than the first? What have I done to deserve these wonderful gifts?

Yes, I have known deep sorrow, but who hasn’t?

My devotions this morning stated God sends sanctuaries to the weary, giving them rest. Is that what this is? My sanctuary after a lifetime of struggle?

Perhaps I am to use this quiet time for art, writing and prayer. But will sharing those make any difference to anyone else?

I may never know the answers, at least not in this life, but I can be thankful and not question His judgment. Many others have asked the question,“Why me?”, and I must remember God sees things differently than us, and He doesn’t make mistakes.

“The Lord rules me: and I shall want nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures: he leads me beside the still waters.” Psalm 23:1-2.

Amen.