Vapor

In my last post, I mentioned how fast life can change. The theme continues in my devotions with this scripture. “For what is your life? It is a vapor which appeareth for a little while, and afterwards shall vanish away. For that you should say, ‘If the Lord will, and if we shall live, we will do this or that.’” St. James 4:15

This doesn’t mean God intends that I live in fear of death, but rather to live in the present, making tentative plans for the future and trusting Him to take care of my needs.

In my devotion, Good Morning, Lord, Father Joseph T. Sullivan offered a prayer about fear, not being afraid of trying moments as all things can work together for good. Fear disappears with renewed trust in God and I should thank Him for my beneficial trials.

I can’t say it is easy to think of a cancer diagnosis, or my other horrific trials as beneficial, but with further reflection, they were. They helped me to develop a deeper faith and trust in God I would not have otherwise.

This goes beyond my fear of death. My unchristian words, actions, and thoughts stem from a desperate need to hold on to a job, a relationship, or other earthly treasures.

I have survived domestic violence and sexual assault, blood poisoning, loss of loved ones, financial crises, and recently, breast cancer. The last pushed me beyond a Doubting Thomasina toward a Paulina, content with my circumstances, whatever they are. How dare I doubt Him after all of that?

My life may be like vapor, seen for a moment and then gone, but what I do during that span of breath matters. Did I believe in God and His promises? Did I follow Him wherever He led me? Did I love others? Or did I live in fear and anxiety, distrusting God to provide for my needs?

I pray my answer is a resounding, yes, to all but the last.