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Showing posts from January, 2012

Angels Among Us

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A friend sent me a beautiful image of an angel with the caption: An Angel to Watch Over You. It reminded me of another time I was given an angel.
 I had not expected the removal of my late husband's name from our joint checking account to be as monumental as planning the memorial or arranging for the burial, but it was. This last task was the final erasure of our life together, only a few mementos and memories would remain.  I barely managed to maintain my composure as I signed the last document.

The bank representative asked me, "Did you come alone?

"Yes."

"I can see how difficult this was, and I am concerned for you."

"I'm okay."

"Well, I don't think you should be alone. You need a companion, someone to watch over you, and be with you."

Turning, she pulled a small pin from her jacket  and handed it to me. "Here, take this angel with you. It was given to me during a difficult moment in my life, and I would like to pass it…

David and Goliath

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It has been a rough week. The last of the moving chores left me physically exhausted, and software training at work drained me mentally. Between the two I felt I was dangling above a precipice, clinging to the ledge with finger nails. Then, several hours of testing with the new software loosened my grip to just one small finger. I looked down. There was no bottom to the abyss.

In desperation, I spent the entire evening studying, taking notes and devising a Quick Guide to the new software, and fell into bed drained, too tired to pray or think. Before sleep finally claimed me, I made a vow I would not be defeated. Someway, somehow I would master that program, and all of the other new tasks, and I would be proficient with all of them.
In the early, pre-dawn hours, I lay for a moment, going through a litany of things yet to do, yet to learn, and my resolve and determination wavered. I prayed, begging God to once more rescue me.

I rose, made coffee, and contemplated whether to start stu…

Why Is It Sometimes So Dark?

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There have been times when I have been plunged into a soul piercing darkness. Every miss-deed, every wrongly spoken word, every good deed left undone, every bad choice, crushed me beneath a heavy weight of conviction.  This darkness of the soul isn't rare, as many of you may attest to, and in fact, I have read of numerous holy men and women who have endured this agony, most recently Mother Teresa. However, knowing it isn't unusual doesn't lessen the pain.

I wonder if this is what Jesus felt on the cross? Except His experience was to the tenth power of my pitiful emotions. This isolation from the world, weighed down with the conviction of so much wrong doing is almost unbearable, and yet, this brief glimpse of despair gives me some insight to those who take extreme measures to stop the pain by taking their own life. Their pain must indeed be horrific. Knowing this much pain without the saving grace of faith is indeed dark despair from which there would be no rescue. If onl…

Sunrise, Sunset

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I sometimes wonder if I am looking at the sunrise or sunset of a life event. Is it just the beginning of the circumstance, or am I looking at the end?  As with the above photo, only the one taking the picture knows the exact time of day. However as observers, we can look for clues. The lighter blue sky would denote a sunrise, although I have seen some sunsets with similar colors as well. I have also realized that my mood will often dictate my perception. When I am joyful, I would be inclined to declare it a sunrise full of  hope and new expectations. If I am sorrowful, or stressed, I would choose sunset in hopes of being at the end of the event and looking forward to a time of rest.  So  much of life is in this in between stage, not quite sure if our circumstances are really beginning or ending. 
As I have grown in my faith, I have chosen to just sit back and enjoy the scenery without trying to decipher it too much. The above photo is beautiful, regardless of the actual time of day. …