I sometimes wonder if I am looking at the sunrise or sunset of a life event. Is it just the beginning of the circumstance, or am I looking at the end?
As with the above photo, only the one taking the picture knows the exact time of day. However as observers, we can look for clues. The lighter blue sky would denote a sunrise, although I have seen some sunsets with similar colors as well. I have also realized that my mood will often dictate my perception. When I am joyful, I would be inclined to declare it a sunrise full of hope and new expectations. If I am sorrowful, or stressed, I would choose sunset in hopes of being at the end of the event and looking forward to a time of rest. So much of life is in this in between stage, not quite sure if our circumstances are really beginning or ending.
As I have grown in my faith, I have chosen to just sit back and enjoy the scenery without trying to decipher it too much. The above photo is beautiful, regardless of the actual time of day. I can enjoy it for what it is, or over analyze it to death and miss the Giver's intention, a brief moment of unparalleled beauty, peace and tranquility.
I do not fully understand the reason behind these circumstances, but I have come to accept them, especially since these experiences drew me closer to God. Over and over He brought me through the flames, holding my hand, protecting me from the heat.
This year, I face only minor changes, a relatively new job (hopefully a long lasting one), and a new home. Interestingly, the new house is situated at an angle where I will be able to observe both the sunrise and the sunset, neither of which I could view from the previous home. Over all our lifestyle will be greatly improved with both the house and the job, so why this introspection tinged with melancholy?
Change. Change, even for betterment is stressful. It is hard to let go of the known for the unknown. And, in some regards, I am weary. Change requires great effort and I am tired, not just from the physical work of moving, but the emotional changes as well. After seeing so many dramatic changes in my life, now even the smaller ones are draining.
Yet, I know I do not need to rely on my own strength. God in his mercy has given me a companion to help shoulder life's responsibilities, and my husband has shouldered the large responsibilities in order to allow me to concentrate on my job, and I am so very thankful. Then, I also have God's promise:
But they that hope in the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall take wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah: 40:31