This Moment

We spend so much time being afraid and anxious despite repeated vows not to. We are exhausted before a crisis even strikes. 

I know all the platitudes. I know all the scriptures, but my mind still wants to race toward the worst scenario. This time around, I fought against the panic, the anxiety, and the fear. I prayed, read my bible, attended church, vowing no more complacencies in my spiritual life.  

The answer is simple, and yet so very, very difficult. Surrender. Let go. Don’t thrash and struggle. Yet, I’d rather tread water than just lie there and float. If I am struggling, I think I am in control. I know better, but I can't convince myself to remain still.  

Tomorrow I will hear the results of the biopsy. I have it in my mind that my world will change, turn upside down, maybe even spin out of control. It might, but it already has changed. I’ve changed. I see the world and my spiritual life differently. My priorities are different, more focused. During my devotions, I realized what I needed to do, the prayer I should say. I said the words with trepidation, but also with the desire to mean them with my whole heart.   

“Lord, let it be done unto me according to your will.”  

Fear comes from the devil. He wants me to withhold my vow, to continue to struggle, to doubt, to worry, and to fear, and not follow God's will for my life. This time, he's going to be disappointed. 

God doesn’t want me to live my life in fear.  

In fact, my pastor opened his sermon this week with the words, “Don’t be afraid.” 

I remembered advice I gave to my daughter during a difficult time in her life, words I need to take to heart.  “At this moment, all is well.”  

And it is. Today, there is no evil to face. Tomorrow, maybe, but not today, and when that evil does come, God will give me the grace, strength, and courage to face it.  

“Be not therefore solicitous for tomorrow; for the morrow will be solicitous for itself.” Matthew 6:34.