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| Photo by Ajay Kumar Singh at Pixabay |
Four a.m. I tossed and turned, fighting against a
returning earache and the bursitis in my hip. The usual nighttime ghosts jumped
on my vulnerability, rehashing current and past mistakes, driving all hope of sleep away.
I rose, shuffled out to the kitchen and made coffee. As I reached for my devotions, I remembered an old post. The words written six years ago fit.
From May 20, 2012:
My tormentors strike when I am most vulnerable,
early in the morning while I am still hovering between sleep and wakefulness.
They go after the old wounds that have never healed, re-writing the original
story, embellishing the worst moments, digging deeper into the tender flesh.
These demons have many names: Heartbreak and Betrayal, Fear and Anxiety,
Should Have, Could Have, If Only and What If.
That night the rerun was a misunderstanding between
a former co-worker and myself. Both angry, we stopped speaking. I made a few attempts at reconciliation, which she spurned. If we met on
the street or in a store, she turned her back and walked away.
The Great Accuser entered, followed by Guilt.
This judge and jury accused me of allowing Jealousy, Pride and
Selfishness to thwart my efforts at reconciliation. I had
rejected Apology and Forgiveness and fell into step with Stubbornness and
Fear.
Staggering from these blows, I rose, went to my
reading room and snatched up my devotional, God’s Little Lessons on
Life for Women. I flipped through the pages to Forgiveness.
Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:
Though our sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they
are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. Isaiah 1:18.
Once our sins are forgiven, we
must not pick at the scars. Forgiven sins stay forgiven.
A white veil dropped in front of my eyes and I
was transported to a place filled with hundreds of other Believers. Before me
stood the Gates of Heaven.
Filled with jubilation, I turned to the woman
standing next to me, arms outstretched, ready to embrace her. My former
co-worker stared back at me. My arms dropped to my side.
The Holy Spirit spoke to us. “You have been
washed clean by the Blood of the Lamb and none of the pettiness and
imperfections of your previous lives matter.”
Our heartache, resentment and fear vaporized. We
embraced, joined hands and walked together into Paradise.
The veil dissolved, and I was back in my room.
One by one Guilt, Fear, Heartache and Betrayal
backed away. They lingered in the periphery, hopeful, waiting, searching for another
opening, another chance to attack, but my faith held them at bay. They will
come again, but these beautiful words comfort me.
The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom
shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1.
Are you haunted by ghosts at night? If so, what
lifts your spirit and sends your tormentors away?
