Ghosts

Photo by Ajay Kumar Singh at Pixabay

Four a.m. I tossed and turned, fighting against a returning earache and the bursitis in my hip. The usual nighttime ghosts jumped on my vulnerability, rehashing current and past mistakes, driving all hope of sleep away. 

I rose, shuffled out to the kitchen and made coffee. As I reached for my devotions, I remembered an old post. The words written six years ago fit. 

From May 20, 2012:

My tormentors strike when I am most vulnerable, early in the morning while I am still hovering between sleep and wakefulness. They go after the old wounds that have never healed, re-writing the original story, embellishing the worst moments, digging deeper into the tender flesh. These demons have many names: Heartbreak and Betrayal, Fear and Anxiety, Should Have, Could Have, If Only and What If.

That night the rerun was a misunderstanding between a former co-worker and myself. Both angry, we stopped speaking. I made a few attempts at reconciliation, which she spurned. If we met on the street or in a store, she turned her back and walked away.

The Great Accuser entered, followed by Guilt. This judge and jury accused me of allowing Jealousy, Pride and Selfishness to thwart my efforts at reconciliation. I had rejected Apology and Forgiveness and fell into step with Stubbornness and Fear.

Staggering from these blows, I rose, went to my reading room and snatched up my devotional, God’s Little Lessons on Life for Women.  I flipped through the pages to Forgiveness.

Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: Though our sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. Isaiah 1:18.

Once our sins are forgiven, we must not pick at the scars. Forgiven sins stay forgiven.

A white veil dropped in front of my eyes and I was transported to a place filled with hundreds of other Believers. Before me stood the Gates of Heaven. 

Filled with jubilation, I turned to the woman standing next to me, arms outstretched, ready to embrace her. My former co-worker stared back at me. My arms dropped to my side.

The Holy Spirit spoke to us. “You have been washed clean by the Blood of the Lamb and none of the pettiness and imperfections of your previous lives matter.”

Our heartache, resentment and fear vaporized. We embraced, joined hands and walked together into Paradise.

The veil dissolved, and I was back in my room.

One by one Guilt, Fear, Heartache and Betrayal backed away. They lingered in the periphery, hopeful, waiting, searching for another opening, another chance to attack, but my faith held them at bay. They will come again, but these beautiful words comfort me.

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1.

Are you haunted by ghosts at night? If so, what lifts your spirit and sends your tormentors away?