The freight train of trouble increased speed this week when my dad called regarding my mother. Doctors say she will have a major stroke if she doesn't have surgery to clear the clogged artery, and yet, given her current situation, they give her only a 50-50 chance of surviving the surgery. Another consultation is set for this coming week.
Shortly after receiving this heart breaking, nerve-wracking word, the car left me stranded - again -this time at the gas station.
Which issue do we address first? Should I take unpaid time off from work and make the seven hour drive home to see my mother, taking our only working vehicle or do we rent one? Do we fix the car first or do we we march ahead with buying a house? If we do go for the house, we avoid the double cost of two addition moves and higher interest, not to mention prices. If we go for a loan, will the job last long enough to close? We can only do one and by choosing it, will delay our ability to do the other for several months to a year.
Bill and I wracked our brains for a out a way out of this Gordian Knot and came up with some feeble logic. We need a place to live, regardless of the other issues. At our age we can't keep moving from lease to lease. It is time to settle in some place.
By choosing to this, we can only fix the car if it costs only a small amount. If it is more, we'll have to work around one vehicle, which means juggling my commute, Bill's need of vehicle and going home to see my mother.
Have we made the right decision? None would be perfect, filled with possible disasters regardless of which we chose. As usual, my daily devotions came to my emotional rescue.
The first was from the 2 Timothy 4:17: "…and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion." For those of you who regularly read my posts, know this is a recurring theme in my life with many symbolic meanings.
The second was from Romans 4:18 is another repetitive symbolic reference. "[Abraham] Who against all hope believed in hope…"
Then Psalm 105: 43: "And he brought forth his people with joy, and his chosen with gladness."
The last was from Streams in the Desert: "Wherever God points a finger, His hand will clear a way."
And so, again I will try to believe in hope where I see none, try to rely on His promise that we will be brought forth with joy and gladness in whichever direction He clears the way. While I do not know exactly which direction that will be, and I will struggle with doubt when feeling disappointed and overwhelmed, I do know He will untie this knot one-way or the other. He will deliver me from out of the lion's mouth. The hard part will be recognizing the deliverance if it does not align with my idea of what that deliverance should be.
Bill just called me over to the big picture window facing east. This is what Mr. Skeptic, the retired police officer who doesn't believe in anything not grounded in science, saw. When first viewed, the shape was perfect with straight lines. By the time I found the camera, hidden in an obscure safe place, the shape had lost some if its form and had slid further down toward the horizon.
Bill said he had never seen anything quite like it. After reading my post to him, I thought it might be some divine confirmation. We giggled a few minutes over the odds of seeing this on this particular morning, and I went back to my office and he went to his - on the west side of the house.
Seconds later, "Marie! Come quick!"
As I ran down the hall I thought, "No, it couldn't be." But, it was.
What are the odds of this? With God, all things are possible, even the untying of our Gordian Knot. From now on Bill and I will flash each other the V sign when we are feeling confused and overwhelmed, giggle and go on.