Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Playing Chicken

I'm not an adrenaline junkie. I don't like to sky dive, or climb steep cliffs, clinging by fingernails and toenails. I don't plan on being in an Indie 500 hundred race or become a fighter pilot. Yet, life sometimes forces me to play chicken with oncoming crises. I see the freight train coming, and I would prefer to get off the tracks, but I can't, not yet. The train has to get much closer before I can react. 


The looming freight train is my impending lay off and our lease expiration. We can't act on any of it at the moment. Since the lease isn't up until the end of January, we can't move now, and of course, January is not a good time to be house hunting. Already we've seen a huge dip in the houses available for either rent or sale. My husband is still waffling about moving into the RV for a while, preferring to move our things into another home rather than into storage and then into a house. Well, I would too, but I think our choices will be few, given the time of year we will have to move and the question of how soon I'll be laid off. It's a bit hard to apply for a home loan when you're on unemployment. 

These aren't impossible impasses. A bit down the road, in May or June, the housing market will open back up. Our finances will be more settled by next winter when I can draw on my retirement. It is the time gap between the two causing all the problems - and I can't do anything, except watch the train come hurtling toward me. As I said, I don't like to play chicken. 

Given a choice, I'd be doing serious house hunting now, while I'm still employed and before the market dries up over the winter/holiday months. I'd like to know for certain when my job will end, and start making plans for either retiring or looking for another job (as if that worked out in the past, given my age). Yet, I can do none of it.

A friend posted on one of the social sites: "Be still and know that I am God." Be still. That's the tough part and yet in reality I don't have a choice. I can jump up and down on the tracks, but I can't move off. I can flail my arms, but I still can't stop the train. I can however, stand still and save my energy for the moment I can move. Being still would give me rest and allow me to focus on what I can touch today. I know this mentally, but I'm sure having a hard time convincing my heart. However, God would fix that too, if I would stand still. Working on it. 

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