Regaining My Sight
The weather seems a good metaphor for my own mood. As positive as I've tried to be, I can't push out the thought that the job will run out before the lease on the house, and our finances will be too tight to really prepare for our impending life on the road. Added to this, the car we planned to sell to help finance some of these expenses (and which we will no longer need when I quite work) wouldn't start last Friday and left me stranded in the parking lot at work. Not good timing for many reasons.
My husband and I had planned a weekend trip up north to scout out campsites and RV services in several areas we hoped to spend some time. We had already made reservations at a lodge along the Salmon River and it made us sick to think of canceling.
The two of us worked on the darn car for over two hours without any success. Knowing our plans, my employers graciously allowed us to leave the car in their parking lot over the weekend. Although we had a wonderful time, the car hung over our heads like the proverbial dark cloud. That cloud got much darker Sunday afternoon.
My mother's health is deteriorating faster than we anticipated. Her extreme weight loss due to throat issues, is now coupled with a clogged artery and evidence of past strokes and heart attacks. Surgery is not an option due to multiple blood clots, giving her a 50-50 chance of survival. Without any other recourse, the doctors prescribed blood thinners. That and prayer are her only options.
That bit of news tipped my emotional scale, and of course that's when God stepped in.
We had the car towed to a repair shop. It started without any problems for the mechanic (go figure) and has been running steady since. They ran diagnostics and every test available and couldn't find anything wrong. His advice, run it until it stops and then call him. It's now running better than it was - so far. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one, but who knows.
After some budget juggling, we'll manage with unemployment should I get laid off before we are ready to make our transition, and with some added luck, I may get another temp position lasting anywhere from a few weeks to maybe a couple of months - just long enough to see us through our lease. (I am really pulling out my Pollyanna attitude on this one.)
And then something else happened. My morning devotions quoted Jeremiah 31:13: ...and I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them joyful after their sorrow.
I clung to that verse, praying God really meant me. He did.
I called one of the satellite companies to inquire about mobile internet service. The Customer Service Representative was unsure and asked me to hold while she talked with one of their technicians. Somewhere Over the Rainbow was the song playing over their phone system. It could have been anything else, and usually is, except for that day, that moment.
Another scripture reference reminded me to be careful about being blind to God's miracles. Matthew 16: 8: Do you not yet understand? Why do you think within yourselves, O ye of little faith, for that you have no bread? Do you not yet understand, neither do you remember, the five loaves among five thousand men and how many baskets you took up? Nor the seven loaves among four thousand, and how many baskets took you up?
As a final confirmation, when I rose at 5:30 this morning, I glanced out the window expecting to see rain. Instead, a crescent moon glowed in the eastern sky, accompanied by a larger array of stars than I saw all summer, coupled with an unusually warm morning temperature of 55 degrees. I stood outside, staring at that amazing sky for a long time.
Although my circumstances haven't changed, God has filled my heart with hope and the knowledge that He will indeed be there, no matter what happens.