What's Behind the Door?
Yes, it is within my experience and skill set. Yes, I am a good candidate. What I read that has me not so thrilled were the words: may need to work holidays. I have seen this before, and it usually means shift work. I've tried working nights when I was younger. It was a disaster for both my employer and myself, and yet in this economy, and at my age, can I turn down the chance of employment with full benefits?
In the end I chose to apply, after all I don't know for certain they will run twenty-four hour shifts, and who knows I may not even be called for an interview let alone hired. I buckled down, wrote a professional cover letter, uploaded my current resume, jumped through all of the application hoops (it is a position in support of a division of government and the hoops are numerous).
This was on Saturday morning. I didn't plan on hearing anything before Monday - if I even heard back at all. Well, two hours later I had a response. They want to interview me Tuesday. Wow. Now of course the worry sets in as this wasn't exactly the job I was excited about.
I fussed and worried, grumbled and groused the rest of the day and most of the night. Guilt urged to me accept whatever they offered since prior experience has shown my age is now a huge factor in finding permanent employment and I should be happy I'm offered a job. The offer half argued, "but shift work? Nights and weekends? You'll hate it." And I would. Not so much the weekends, I've worked tons of those, and holidays, it's the nights. I've been rising at five in the morning (or earlier) all of my life. I don't think I can re-set my body clock well enough to function later than maybe ten in the evening, possible eleven, graveyard shift - not possible.
So what's behind the door?
This? Or this?
At midnight, while sitting at my desk playing Solitaire, trying to slow the mind enough to sleep, two words were spoken to my heart, "Trust me." I smiled at the irony. In my novel, And Then Came a Lion, those are the very words my heroine hears during her times of crises. Okay, I decided to put my future in God's hands and let Him decide what was best. After all, He's done a pretty good job so far.
This morning, the same concerns whirled around as I picked up my devotions, and as usual, God's answer was there. First came a chastisement about centering all my thoughts and actions on myself rather than others. Was I being selfish? Well, maybe a little.
Then came a familiar and comforting scripture from the book of Tobias 14: 1-4. Tobias was fifty-six when he lost his sight, and sixty when he regained it. The first time I read this passage, I was also fifty-six and facing a very similar situation I am currently in. Needless to say, the coincidence held my attention. The rest of the passage goes on to say he lived a good many years after the restoration of his sight in the peace and abundance of God's grace. I turned sixty this year. Would my sight be restored? And to what have I been blind? On one level, I don't really want to know, but I believe God will show me anyway, and there is a good chance I may like it.
The next reading was from Jeremiah 38:4-6, 8-10. Jeremiah is thrown into a pit of mire and left to die of starvation. God sends another man to the king to plead for his life. His release was granted and he was pulled from the pit. Interesting coincidence as well. I may not be in literal mire, but I certainly am in an emotional one.
Immediately following this scripture was Psalm 40:2-4, 18:
With expectation I have waited for the Lord, and he was attentive to me. And he heard my prayers, and brought me out of the pit of misery and the mire of dregs. And he set my feet upon a rock, and directed my steps. And he put a new canticle into my mouth, a song to our God. Many shall see, and shall fear: and they shall hope in the Lord. But I am a beggar and poor: the Lord is careful for me. Thou art my helper and my protector: O my God, be not slack.
And God said, "Trust me." I think I will.