I've Figure It Out
Somewhere during the course of my life I picked up two damaging ideas. The first, if you truly care about some one or some thing, you will worry over its well being. If you don't worry and fret, you don't love. The second, by worrying, fretting and pacing, I will some how maintain control over the situation. If I just let go, I let go all chance of control. Without control, I am just a bit of debris blown about wherever the wind takes me, without direction or purpose, with no control. That idea brings on panic attacks and nightmares, even profuse sweating.
We all know, intellectually, we have no control over anything except our reactions. Even those are sometimes hard to control, but, to let go, really let go, is unthinkable in spite of what we proclaim.
So, as they say, knowing the cause is half the battle. When the worry worms start burrowing, I need to remind myself that agonizing isn't going to change the outcome. All it will do is erode this moment, and as hard as it is, letting go isn't letting go of caring, it is letting go of the struggle, the need to control.
I can weep with those weeping. I can pray for those in need, and then I can place those concerns in His hands and let them go - let the agony of them go, not the compassion or concern, let go of the agonizing, the self torture.
When it comes down to it, I really don't want control. I have no power to exact changes, except small ones with the few choices available. If I prayerfully make those decisions I can, and then allow those choices to take their course, that is about all I can realistically do.
There will be unpleasantness.There will be pain. It will be fleeting. I once told a good friend going through a very hard time, "Challenges are like a night at a bad hotel. It is unpleasant, but it will pass." I need to listen to my own advice.
And in all honesty, I know life isn't all sorrow. There are good memories mixed with the unpleasant. My future will be the same, a mixture. In addition, God has promised we will see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living. We must expect the Lord, do manfully, and let our hearts take courage, and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27: 13-14.
It is the waiting part that is so hard. However, I think I'm getting better at it.