A Weary Soul

Image by Abbat from Pixabay

It hasn’t been an easy life, but it has been a blessed one. However, despite the many miracles and blessings, I can understand how a soul could be weary, ready to move on to something better. A heavenly home with no tears or pain.

I think of my husband, how difficult his life was in the last few years. He almost died with COVID. Although he recovered, his energy level was never the same. Then, he injured his shoulder, requiring steroid shots to make the pain tolerable. Add in extensive arthritis from the physical strain of being a police officer, along with the emotional trauma. His nightmares decreased in the last few years, but were still intense. He underwent a difficult knee replacement surgery five months before being diagnosed with brain cancer. Although he never said much, I can imagine how tired he was of being in pain.  

Now, he’s resting and rejoicing with his loved ones that have passed on before him, as well as being in the presence of our Heavenly Father. I don’t begrudge him that joy, but I ache for his company.

One day, that ache will fade. How it will eventually be filled is in God’s hands. I can say that I’m leaving my future there. I’m too worn out, too tired, too emotionally bankrupt to worry about what comes next. Today’s troubles are plenty, to quote Jesus in his sermon about the lilies of the field. My worry won’t change anything except to add to my misery.

Sunrise brings a new day, and with it, my to-do list. How much I accomplish, and where my energy will come from, God will figure it out. I’m just along for the ride.

Dear Lord, thank you for walking beside me every day, and especially for the days you carried me. Amen.