Desperate Faith

Photo by  Belajati Raihan Fahrizi from Pixabay 

I have several scripture passages written on the top and bottom of different pages of my bible. In the Old Testament: “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118: 24. Below that: “But they that hope in the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall take wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint.” Isiah 40:31. At the bottom of the index page: “With God, a patient wait often leads to a happy ending.” On the New Testament title page: “Lord, send me the Holy Spirit that I may be open to what your word is for me and be changed by it.”

Those quotes remind me of desperate times, when I clung to my faith out of fear and worry. Prayer then was a continuous pleading for a miracle. Gradually, as my faith deepened, my prayers changed. I now give as much praise and thanksgiving as I ask for help. But even asking for help has changed. Now, I ask for help for our country, for family, for friends, for those I have been asked to pray for, more than for my own needs. God will take care of those.

Of course, my life is less stressful than it was, of which I am so grateful.

However, as my husband has said, “Stress is accumulative.” It builds, and if not dealt with, it can cause a host of physical and mental issues. Stress management exercises, prayer, devotions, and regular church attendance all help. I did those things when younger, but for desperate reasons, looking for solutions and answers to my problems. Now, I realize God has already answered those prayers. I only need to hang on to His promises until they are fulfilled according to His will. All things do work toward the good of those who love God—eventually. That last part was the most difficult to accept. I had the same tendency as most, wanting the resolution to problems sooner rather than later. Not so much now. Then, I’m not facing horrific circumstances either.

I am not so vain or proud to think I’ll never fall back into desperate faith and desperate prayers, but I hope I won’t wallow in it for long.

Thank you, Lord, for your patience and understanding when my human mind spirals into desperate thoughts, and for your compassion to lift me out, time and time again. Amen.