October 31, 2018

Fear

Some people are afraid of spiders, black cats, ghosts, goblins, zombies, heights, or snakes. Some of these are legitimate fears, others irrational. I have my own mix of terrors. I never used to be scared of heights, but I am now. I don’t like spiders, but I’m not afraid of them. Same with snakes. I am terrified of grizzly bears and one other thing — death. But not my own.

After losing two husbands, I was terrified God would take my current one too soon. He’s healthy, and there is no indication his death was imminent, but I still worried.

In truth, I also worried about my son when he was first born. My brother died from SIDS at three months, and I agonized over the possibility my child would too. After the anniversary month passed, I relaxed, only to have that worry replaced by another. Even my brush with breast cancer was not as terrifying as my anxiety over losing my husband.

This changed last Sunday.

God used another series of odd coincidences to first get my attention and then remind me of His promise that my husband and I would grow old together. At the same time, I realized I was worrying about things out of my control. With that revelation, my apprehensions melted, vanished, disappeared.

I have not woken in the middle of the night to check on my husband’s breathing. When he slept late, I did not sneak into the room and watch for the rise and fall of his chest. His errands the other day ran longer than I expected, but I didn’t pace the floor wringing my hands, or stare out the window willing his truck to appear.

I know one day death will separate us for a time, but when it comes, God will already be there offering His comfort and His strength.

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom [or what] shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life: of whom shall I be afraid?

I believe to see the good things of the Lord in the land of the living. Expect the Lord, do manfully, and let thy heart take courage, and wait thou for the Lord. 

I do believe. 


2 comments:

  1. This was so beautifully said, and I love reading about your faith walk.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Priscilla. Our faith walks area struggle, aren't they? I think it will take us a lifetime to overcome all of our fears and anxieties. Bless you for reading and commenting! I love hearing your thoughts.

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