How often have I lain in bed with a movie playing
in my mind? The film repeats a litany of my poor choices, mistakes, things I
should have done and said differently.
These stories go back to my early years, and then
slowly, painfully move forward. I see every error in miserable detail. With
each scenario, I replay it with different choices. I wisely keep silent instead
of speaking out when silence was the better choice, especially regarding what I
perceived were personal injustices. Other times I speak the words of compassion
to lessen another’s pain, instead of withholding them.
How could I not see, not understand? I was too wound
up in my own personal crises, tragedies, and pain, to see the needs of others.
This morning’s Gospel reading was from Luke 7: 36
– 8:3, the story of the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears and dried
them with her hair. I’ve read the story numerous times, but one verse changed
my life. It offered the key to stopping the movie, ending its constant
replaying, as long as I remember Jesus’ words.
“And he said to the woman: Thy faith has made thee
safe, go in peace.” Luke 7: 50.
God once told me in a vision that my faith would
keep the fires of sorrow from burning me. Keep me safe from the flames.
And now, he tells me my faith will keep me safe
from my sins, will give me peace.
Peace.
Peace from the litany of sins the devil replays in
my mind to keep me weak, off balanced, afraid.
But God has freed me through my faith.
Faith will also give me peace amid the turmoil of
our world, the ongoing atrocities, and terrors. Through faith, I can put those
problems in God’s hands, and leave them there. It will protect me, save me, even
from myself.
My faith will lift me up like eagle’s wings. It
will bear me up, raise me up, keep me above the things that frighten me, my
sins, my night terrors, and the violence of the day. My body may perish, but
not my soul. I am safe, protected by God through my faith.
I walk through an inferno of fear, despair, and
grief, but God holds my hand, saves me from the flames, and the roaring lion,
through my faith. Instead of the term “all I need is love”, I say, “all I need
is faith”, and God will do the rest.