If I Died Today...

If I died today, what in my life would really matter? Would I regret how I spent my time? Would my passing affect others in any way? 

We have all heard the Cherokee proverb: When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice. 

Could I honestly say that about myself? In my small circle of family and close friends, that might be true, but of the world? Certainly not. I have not done anything outstanding. My life has not made any difference outside of my small circle. 

Yet, I do matter. As the story of the boy on the beach throwing back one starfish at a time, he might not be able to save them all, but his compassion mattered to that one he did save. If you multiply this action by those of countless others, then yes, the world feels the impact. 

So, it does matter to anyone how I live my life? Yes. It matters to me and to everyone around me. 

This week I took a closer look at how I spent my time, where my focus was. I spend too much time with things that won't matter at all if I died today. The unfinished manuscript, the unfinished painting, they won't have much impact on my family. However, the phone call to a housebound friend, the extra effort at work, and how often I tell my family I love them, that has an impact on others. Those are my contributions to the million of starfish needing rescue. 

And thus I am refocusing where I spend most of my time. So what if I'm not the perfect weight I used to be. So what if my painting will never be viewed by anyone but a few close friends and family. So what if my book never makes the Times Best Seller list. 

My prayer time, the time I spent nurturing others, the gifts of my talents to others, not for my personal gain, but for their enjoyment or uplifting, those will matter after I am gone. Those things will make a difference in someone else's life. 

Keeping my focus on how I might help another, simplifies my life, pulls me back from the frantic busyness and frantic pace I try to keep up. Sometimes sitting on the porch watching the sunset with my husband is far more important than anything else. 

Erma Bombeck said as much after she was diagnosed with cancer. She regretted not spending more time looking at sunsets, playing with her grandchildren, and just being, rather than doing. 

I am going to heed the wise words of the Cherokee proverb, and of Erma, when I decide how to spend my time. 

Something of Value

Mark 9:33- 33:  And they came to Capharnaum. And when they were in the house, he asked them: What did you discuss on the way? But they they remained silent, for they had disputed amoung themselves, which of them should be the greatest.

The quote cut deep, revealing the source of most of my anxiety - my value. Like the Apostles, I am constantly comparing my value against others. Am I as good or better than he/she/them? If I am not, how can I make myself more valuable? The right answer is to be kind, considerate, and give a full, honest day's work regardless of what others do. The wrong answer, which is often much easier, is to criticise and put down;  boast, gloat, insult, or become defenisve. The other choice, one I am particularly prone to, is to withdraw and pull away, nuturing feelings of inadequacy and unworth. All unproductive and destructive.

Rather, I need to fall back on my Christian faith. Scripture teaches us we are all valued, not because of our appearance, our behavoir or our talents - because we are a Child of God, hand picked, invited to spend our entire lives and eternity with an all powerful God who chooses to be called, Father. Over and over He tells us how much he loves us, how much He values us. Even the hairs of our head are numbered.

This lesson wasn't enough. God went one step further. Streams in the Desert:  And then came a lion.  1 Samuel 17: 34. Yep, a lion, once again, the third instance lions were mentioned to me this week. After my last experience with lions (see Lions (Why I Write), I chose to pay attention, immediately.

In 1 Samuel 17:34,  David encounters a lion while herding his father's sheep. Rather than viewing the charging lion as an excuse to run and hide, David sees it as an opportunity to build his faith and trust in God, building his confidence to later face Goliath and eventually become king. The rude woman I encountered last week was my charging lion, challenging me to stand or run. This time I chose to stand with confidence and faith. I didn't really understand why at the time, but I do now.

God calls many of His most valued workers from the unknown multitude.  Streams in the Desert. We are valued even if we are not called to royalty like David, but work behind the scenes where no one but God notices. Only God witnessed my brave encounter with the rude woman, and only God notices my small, and I often believe, inconsequential contributions to the world, yet they are of value, and so am I - something of value.  Just as you are, just as the rude woman is. Neither has more, or less, value than the other.

I pray I can carry this knowledge out into the world and actually practice it in my work place, with my friends and family, and with the rude people I encounter. How about you? Do you feel valued?