Haunted



My tormentors strike when I am most vulnerable, early in the morning while I am still hovering between sleep and wakefulness. They go after the old wounds that have never completely healed, re-writing the original story, embellishing the worst moments, digging deeper into the tender flesh. These demons have many names: Heartbreak and Betrayal, Fear and Anxiety, Should Have / Could Have, If Only and What If.

On this particular morning, Heartbreak and Betrayal slunk into my room. Scene after scene played out of past, present and future anguish. Through a senseless misunderstanding my close friend, Deidre*, and I argued, then stopped speaking. I wanted to reach out, to somehow mend the rift, but she would not return my calls. If we accidentally met on the street or in a store, she turned her back and walked away.


It was then the Great Accuser entered, followed immediately by Guilt. This Judge and Jury accused me of allowing Jealousy, Pride and Selfishness to thwart my efforts at reconciliation. I turned my back against Apology and Forgiveness and fell into step with Stubbornness and Fear.


Staggering from these blows, I rose, went to my reading room and snatched up my devotional, God’s Little Lessons on Life for Women.  I flipped through the pages to Forgiveness.


Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: Though our sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. Isaiah 1:18

Once our sins are forgiven, we must not pick at the scars. Forgiven sins stay forgiven.

Reflecting on the power of this truth, I laid the book aside. A white veil dropped in front of my eyes and I was transported to a large space filled with hundreds of other Believers. Before me stood the Gates of Heaven. 

Filled with jubilation I turned to the woman standing next to me, arms outstretched, ready to embrace.  It was Deidre. My arms dropped to my side.

It was then The Holy Spirit spoke. He reminded us we had been washed clean by the Blood of the Lamb and none of the pettiness and imperfections of our previous lives mattered. Rejoicing, we let go of all of the heartache, resentment and fear. We embraced, joined hands and walked together into Paradise.

The veil dissolved and I was back in my room.

One by one Guilt, Fear, Heartache and Betrayal backed away. They lingered in the periphery, hopeful, waiting, searching for another opening, another chance to attack, but my faith held them at bay.

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the protector of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

Are you haunted? If so, what lifts your spirit and sends your tormentors away?

*Name has been changed

Comments

  1. You have said it sooooooooooo well, and the enemy uses the same things over and over again on us all, he is not creative.
    At the name of Jesus they must flee. Oh how many times have I allowed the enemy to dictate to me and lose the joy Jesus has for me.

    Thanks for sharing...so beautiful and laced with such wonderful truths. Standing before the accuser and allowing the Word of God to make all his accusations flee.

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  2. I loved this, Cecilia! What an awesome post! Praise, the Word, and the name of Jesus always work for me, sending the enemy back-pedaling!

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  3. Amen -- don't let the Accuser steal your joy. Thank you for sharing this experience -- as well as the wisdom you gained from it.

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  4. Thank you, Janette, Lynn, and Judith. It was a lesson I am sure I will re-learning over and over again. Sadly, it is always a battle, but we know who will always win, as long as we cling to our faith.

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  5. Scripture is what Jesus used to counter the Enemy and it's what we must use too. Thanks for an encouraging post!

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  6. Thank you for stopping by, reading and commenting, Laura.

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  7. We may have to learn this over and over but isn't it wonderul that He is always there to help us over and over? :)
    When I feel those haunts coming around, I tell them to flee in the name of Jesus, they are not welcomed here!

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  8. You are so right, Kristin. Those phantoms have no place in our lives. Thank you for stopping in and commenting. I really appreciate it. Loved your post as well!

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  9. This is a beautiful post with a valuable lesson, Cecilia! I read it in a Ruby for Women email and wanted to thank you for sharing it.

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  10. Thank you, Connie. I appreciate your kind words, and for stopping in to comment.

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