Saturday, October 29, 2011

Last Night, I Died

I have had many unusual dreams, some were premonitions foretelling future events. Others have given instruction. Last night's was one of these last.

In the office where I am employed as a temp, there is a backroom used for shipping. I spend a great deal of time there preparing domestic and international literature shipments. In the dream I was in this room when I collapsed. 

My soul separated from the flesh, and stood looking down at the crumpled shape. "Well. I guess I'm dead. And that's okay. No more worry, or pain. I certainly don't need to be concerned about finding another job." I felt a twinge in my conscious. My family. They would be hurt. 

God spoke to me. "You are not dead. I am going to send you back."

I looked down at my body. "You know, if someone finds me and calls 911. That's going to cost money. I don't have insurance, and Bill and I are barely hanging on now. This will tip us over the financial edge."

"No one will find you before you revive."

"Oh. Then why did this happen?"

"I needed to get your attention."

"Well, you have indeed gotten it."

"Marie, you have become more and more like my Martha. You fuss about a lot of things, and in spite of your resolve, you still miss the point. First, in answer to your question of what you are to do, be patient. Your time of waiting serves a purpose. I have taken many things from you: husbands, family, friends, jobs and financial security. I have done this to prove to you, not Me, that you can live without these things. It is Me you cannot live without."

My feelings were deeply hurt. "But, Lord, I have always tried to put you first!"

"Not as I want you too."

"I am confused."

"That is why I have brought you here. You have yet to let go of worry over what will happen tomorrow, next month or next year. You have many unknowns in your life at this moment and have suffered great disappointments. They are My means to grow your faith and trust in Me. Let it go. Let it all go. Be My child. Go out each day and do your best. Enjoy My gifts you posses at this moment, and do not worry about what you will have or not have tomorrow."

I woke with the image of myself standing over my body, still worrying about how inconvenienced I would be if I was found before I revived. Even after His admonishment, my alter ego, Martha was very much present. To eradicate her personality from mine will take extreme effort and almost minute by minute vigilance with my  thoughts. 

I must confess, I came by this nature through the example of my father. He worries constantly. In fact at one point I coined a phrase describing him. He not only believes his glass is half full, he also believes what remains is toxic. He has gotten better over the last few years. 

Although I have always been more positive than that, I have always worried. It is my chief nemesis. Now, after last night's dream, I understand how offensive it is to God, and it is time I really worked on changing. I know it is okay to make plans, but I am not to live just for their fruition. Today is a most precious gift that should not be spoiled by yearnings, or worry about something too far in the future to be addressed today. 

But, I am weak. I can't do this on my own. Happily, I don't have to. God performs miracles wherever He finds faith, and He will find it in me. 

18 comments:

  1. Wow! Ceci, what a precious gift...a dream rather than reality. I have learned to replace worries, doubts, and negative thinking with praise and thanksgiving.

    I praise the Lord for everything. It's like a giant eraser across my heart and mind. It takes a little practice to get used to doing it because it sometimes comes through gritted teeth! Very thought-provoking post. Thank you for sharing it. Praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for sharing your dream, Ceci. I needed to hear this today. God is faithful to direct our lives in the way HE sees is best. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes, Lynn, we do sometimes praise through gritted teeth. I laughed at the fact even after my conversation with God I was still concerned with the practical repercussions of the Divine encounter. I don't want to be like that. What a wake up call that was.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes, Sylvia. His ways are not ours. We would skip the pain and heartache if we could. I hope your issue is resolved soon, and in the meantime, He holds you in His arms.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My gosh, how wonderful that God spoke to you in such a profound and beautiful way! Boy, did I ever need to read this! I've been away from blogging for a while, and you've just inspired me to start again. Awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Awesome, Cecilia, What a dream. God is so patient, merciful and understanding. My hubby is a bit of a worrier. I am learning more and more to trust and lean on God.
    The Anglo Saxon meaning for the word worry is "STRANGULATION" Just about describes it,I think!
    Thank you for sharing this.
    You are in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Judith, I have missed you! Glad you have come back to us!

    These dreams are so real, filled with minute detail, like a movie. They are not abstract or disjointed like regular dreams. Years after, I could still paint the scenes.

    I am glad this spoke to others as well as me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Strangulation. That does say it all. Worry strangles life right out of the worrier. Glad you are doing better in that area. Obvioulsy I need to as well.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Loved this post, Ceci as I think God's words in your dream were intended for me to hear, too. Thank you so much for sharing. You've given me much food for thought today and a new resolve to stop worrying! God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you, Anne. I know worry is a demon we all fight with. Praying you can denounce yours as well. Thankfully we have a loving, compassionate and all mighty God to help us! Thanks also, for stopping in and leaving a comment. It is most appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think a lot of us women and mothers worry. But that still doesn't please the Father does it? Thank you for this reminder and the food for thought. I need it also at times.
    Thank you for your sweet comment today.
    Many blessings to you! :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you, Kristin for your kind words, and for taking the time to stop in here. Many, many blessings to you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Amazing dream, Cecilia. I actually had quite a disturbing one last night that shook me so badly that it felt real even after I woke up. Perhaps it was a warning, too, for my husband to wear his seatbelt or perhaps the baby was kicking too hard to let me restfully sleep. Either way, I am glad you were able to glean some wonderful things from this dream. I fear we are all "Marthas" from time to time.

    ReplyDelete
  14. How precious of the Father to give you such a rich encounter. You were not only blessed but all of us who have read this post and I have been touched....

    Worry attacks us all; I guess that's why He gave specific instructions..."Be anxious for nothing but in prayer and supplication let your requests be known to God and He will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus....

    Thank you for your wittness; you are a blessing to me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Jolina, I am sorry you had such a bad dream. The little you mentioned sounds very disturbing I have had those kind as well and it takes time for them to fade away.

    Yes, there are a lot of Marthas in this world. We need to balance with a little more Mary.

    Thanks for stopping in and commenting.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thank you for your kind words, Nancy. I felt I couldn't just keep this to myself. There are too many of us bogged down with cares and worry and an overdeveloped sense of duty. We do need a balance, particularly with trust in Our Father, and time to spend sitting at His feet drinking in His graces.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Great post...I can apply this to so many areas of my life. How often I grieve Him when I think I am leaning on Him.

    Thanks for the very vivid way of addressing this issue and others...to just delight in being His child. My five year old never gets up and worries....NEVER!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ah, Janette. To be like your five year old! And never worry. I am working on it. And after some unexpected blessings this week, the message in the dream has been re-enforced and I push the negative thoughts away.

    ReplyDelete

Any thoughts you would like to share? I love hearing from you!