You Know Not What You Ask

You know not what you ask. Can you drink the chalice that I shall drink? They say to him: We can.
Matthew 20:22
 The sun rose with all the splendor of a sunset. Simultaneously, a full moon, huge, golden, sank behind the western mountains. The scene reminded me of A Letter From a Friend.

I am writing to say how much I care for you. I want you to know me better. When you awoke this morning, I exploded a brilliant sunrise through your window, hoping to get your attention. But you didn’t even notice. Later you were walking with friends; I bathed you in warm sunshine and perfumed the air with flowers. Still you did not notice me. So I shouted to you in a thunderstorm and painted a beautiful rainbow. You didn’t even look! Tonight I spilled moonlight on your face and sent a cool breeze to refresh you. As you slept, I watched over you and shared your thoughts, but you were unaware of my presence. I hope you will talk to me soon. When you are ready, I will be near. I love you very much. You’re Friend, Jesus.  (Author Unknown) 

I asked to be His witness, but I did not fully understand what I was asking.

Shortly afterward my husband passed away, followed by financial disasters and health issues. Three years later I remarried. Four months after the wedding I was a widow again. The cartilage in my thumbs disintegrated, leaving bone grinding on bone. Unfortunately, the nerves were still intact. I couldn't hold a spoon or fork. Buttons were impossible. Forget the pantyhose. The doctors said I was too young for replacement surgery and I would just have to live with it.

And yet, He spoke tenderly through Scripture, dreams and premonitions. He sent rainbows, lilies, and other symbols as reminders of His love, compassion and promises.  Occasionally a last minute miracle spared additional suffering. I married again with God's promise of years together in health. My finances improved. I was finally eligible for replacement surgery. Then, things spiralled downward, then up and then down again. God sent more rainbows and lilies.

And so, I tell stories to anyone who will listen: here, at work, on the bus and at home. Each re-telling affirms my own faith.  I worry less and pray more. The cup is less bitter, and someday, when I can relinquish all desire for control, the chalice will be sweeter and life will hold more joy than sorrow,  because we know that to them that love God, all things work together unto good, to such as, according to his purpose, are called to be saints.    Romans 8:28

Comments

  1. Oh, Ceci, this is so lovely. So touching. I'm so sorry for all the pain you've suffered but, as we all experience suffering, it molds us into that perfect chalice to hold the sweetness of the Holy Spirit. Very precious post! Blessings, dear one!

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  2. Thank you, Lynn. You are so right. If we never bore any sorrow our souls (and our faith) would be very shallow. Because of the storms, we dig our roots deep.

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  3. Wow, Cecilia, I try to live in gratitude every day, but this makes me realize how much I still take for granted. God is still on His throne (except when he’s running down the road to meet us) and He has great things in store for you (& me). God bless =-)

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  4. Yes, Dana. He does have great things in store for us. And we do take things for granted until they are threatened or taken away. God bless you, too.

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  5. Your words, your stories mean so much, I know God works through you to touch many lifes, especially mine. God Bless you!

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  6. I don't do anything other than re-tell how He has interceeded in my life. What He does for me, He does for others as well. We have a most compassionate and loving Father!

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  7. Thank you for stopping by Writing with Debra. I really appriciate your comment. Very nice post.
    I've awarded you a Stylish Blogger Award.
    http://debragrayelliott.blogspot.com/2011/03/stylish-blogger-award_26.html

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  8. Thank you, Debra. And you are also welcome.

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  9. Like Lynn, I'm so sorry for how you've suffered. His beauty shines through you.

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  10. Through all of the trials, He has given me comfort and encouragement. And, my suffering has been minimal compared to some. Thank you for stopping in and commenting.

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  11. Thank you for visiting Katherines Corner. This is a touching post, I am sorry for your suffering. You have found grace in HIS strength. See you at Ruby. Hugs!

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  12. Thank you, Kathryn. All is better now, of course. And yes, I'll see you at Ruby!

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